Drink the elixir

A warning to us all...

Last Thursday, myself and the Young Man ventured far afield (well, a few miles on the train) in search of the elusive elixir of life. But failing to find that, we settled instead for the Uisge Beatha, with a double distillery visit in Pitlochry. Famously home to leaping salmon, hydro-electricity, and approximately ten thousand woollen mills, the Perthshire town also houses two whisky manufacturers.

Edradour, Scotland's smallest distillery

First on the list was Edradour, home of the smallest copper stills in the country (any smaller and they'd be illegal apparently). A very pretty little place, it's also an absolute bargain for a day out - you get a long and detailed tour of the distillery for the grand total of zero pounds and zero pennies, with a complimentary dram thrown in for good measure.

Blair Athol

Blair Athol distillery is, despite the name, situated in the south of Pitlochry, and works on a larger scale than Edradour. Owned by that all-conquering force of the drinks market Diageo, the Blair Athol malt is one of the central ingredients in the Bells blend. As a large proportion of production goes towards this, the malt itself is still pretty much a hidden gem. It would have been churlish to return home empty handed, so I have a bottle to keep me company through the dreich January days.

Ooh look, a waterfall

Apparently some clever people can look at maps and figure out that the easy stroll through a woodland path will actually be verging on an uphill hike, but hey, a little exercise never killed anyone, did it? And that did make it all downhill on the way back, so it ain't all bad...

Pitlochry Theatre waterfront at night

The worst thing about Pitlochry in January is that the town is very much geared towards seasonal tourism. Which can make such things as finding something to do after 4pm and locating an open restaurant a bit more difficult. It was almost like a ghost town at times, so empty were the streets - presumably the locals were all tucked up at home waiting for the sun to come out again before venturing forth. They really should head outdoors though, it's a pretty little place...

Separated at birth: scary figure at Blair Athol and celebrated fiddler Aly Bain

OKCupid! The Which Indie Wanker Are You? Test

Kele Okereke You are 51% sane and 68% sincere!

King of the NME 2005 "Saviours of Rock" club and nicest of those nice, take-home-to-yer-mum-able, young boys from Bloc Party, Kele is quiet and humble as pie on the interview couch and a ball-tearing vocal WMD behind a microphone. His cryptic lyrics mask a very normal, nice, well-adjusted, not very angry young man, with a peculiar talent for sparse, evocative writing. He'd rather make his mum a cup of tea than snort lines in a smoky club, but at the same time, he is a rock monster - living, breathing, howling proof that you don't have to be deeply and irrevocably fucked up to appreciate the Pixies and the Cure. Why is he a wanker? Just because there are so many angry young men out there with talent and guitars, stuck in garages, jealous as allgetout, because they didn't get handpicked by Alex Kapranos to support Franz. In other words, he's a jammy bastard. And he's - splutter - nice.

The Which Indie Wanker Are You? Test

Hold On To Your Hat

Sometimes life starts to resemble a Buster Keaton slapstick film. For the terminally clumsy like myself, the world is full of opportunities for all manner of mishaps. But today I was blameless. Unless you count having style as a fault...

There are many good things about hats (and for the record, those hideous tea cosy things do not count) - the instant air of class achieved merely by covering the head, the escape afforded from the horror of a Bad Hair Day - but high winds are not their best friends. Either you have to walk around clutching the brim tightly, or you run the risk of unwanted head exposure.

So there I was, innocently making my way along the street, when a gust of wind lifted the poor trilby up and away, as I helplessly watched it escape up the street and take a detour down an alleyway. It's amazing how far it can travel before you catch up, and indeed a little alarming. It's just as well I wasn't on the other side of the street, or it may have ended up in the river.

Unsurprisingly enough, when walking home later in even higher winds, I chose to carry it rather than risk a repeat performance - after all to lose a hat once may be regarded as misfortune, to lose it twice looks like carelessness...

OkCupid! Politics Test

You are a Social Liberal (83% permissive) and an... Economic Liberal (15% permissive) You are best described as a: Socialist Link: The Politics Test on OkCupid Free Online Dating Also: The OkCupid Dating Persona Test

Play Misty For Me

OKCupid! The Nerd? Geek? or Dork? Test

Pure Nerd 65 % Nerd, 30% Geek, 26% Dork

For The Record: A Nerd is someone who is passionate about learning/being smart/academia. A Geek is someone who is passionate about some particular area or subject, often an obscure or difficult one. A Dork is someone who has difficulty with common social expectations/interactions. You scored better than half in Nerd, earning you the title of: Pure Nerd. The times, they are a-changing. It used to be that being exceptionally smart led to being unpopular, which would ultimately lead to picking up all of the traits and tendences associated with the "dork." No-longer. Being smart isn't as socially crippling as it once was, and even more so as you get older: eventually being a Pure Nerd will likely be replaced with the following label: Purely Successful. THE NERD? GEEK? OR DORK? TEST

I'm shocked! Sheer filth!*

PORNOTYPO :: Pron for all occasions

















* not really

New Year, New Toys

It was about this time last year that I started this here blog (happy birthday to me etc), so naturally my ever-fickle web habits have lead me to seek new things with which to play.

And StumbleUpon is just about the most addictive thing I've found. Being essentially a right lazy besom, I've lifted some reviews directly from their website to explain the whole thing for those of you yet to discover it.

"It's kind of addictive ... when you have time to surf it really does allow you to find some unique and relevant sites" - Andy Walker, g4techTV, Nov 3rd 2004.

"Stumbleupon is a brilliant downloadable toolbar that beds into your browser and gives you the chance to surf through thousands of excellent pages that have been stumbled upon by other web-users" - BBCWorld ClickOnline, July 29th 2004.

"...extensions recommended by more than one reader included StumbleUpon, a community website-recommendation project that lets you find more cool and usually obscure websites -- sort of a Friendster for site links." - Wired News, July 12th 2004.

"Stumbleupon.com helps users share links by asking them to rate sites through a browser toolbar." - New York Times, Online Diary, May 6th 2004.

"I'm hooked on the thing, and rate it as the second most useful web browsing tool after Google itself. In fact, that pecking order may even change, as I find instead of Googling I'm Stumbling more and more..." – Davey Winder, PcPro Magazine, Issue 109, November 2003

You can find my Stumbles here - I'm feeling positively compelled to seek out fabulous stuff in a bid to have it look vaguely impressive, so you might just find something of interest. And if you don't yet, well, there's plenty more to come.

She is a hybrid of: Indie Girl Progressive Girl Click on the pictures below to read more: Take the 'What Kind of Girl Is She?' quiz at CookingToHookup.com

Hippity-Hoppity Happy New Year

er.... that's it

Pointless Film Lists

Just because.... here's some notable best film type lists, with those I've seen in bold. I've been very good, and those I've only seen part of/ abandoned in sheer boredom/ fallen asleep while watching haven't been counted.

AFI's 100 YEARS...100 MOVIES

1. CITIZEN KANE (1941)
2. CASABLANCA (1942)
3. THE GODFATHER (1972)
4. GONE WITH THE WIND (1939)
5. LAWRENCE OF ARABIA (1962)
6. THE WIZARD OF OZ (1939)
7. THE GRADUATE (1967)
8. ON THE WATERFRONT (1954)
9. SCHINDLER'S LIST (1993)
10. SINGIN' IN THE RAIN (1952)
11. IT'S A WONDERFUL LIFE (1946)
12. SUNSET BOULEVARD (1950)
13. THE BRIDGE ON THE RIVER KWAI (1957)
14. SOME LIKE IT HOT (1959)
15. STAR WARS (1977)
16. ALL ABOUT EVE (1950)
17. THE AFRICAN QUEEN (1951)
18. PSYCHO (1960)
19. CHINATOWN (1974)
20. ONE FLEW OVER THE CUCKOO'S NEST (1975)
21. THE GRAPES OF WRATH (1940)
22. 2001: A SPACE ODYSSEY (1968)
23. THE MALTESE FALCON (1941)
24. RAGING BULL (1980)
25. E.T. THE EXTRA-TERRESTRIAL (1982)
26. DR. STRANGELOVE (1964) (I know, I know, but I have a passionate hatred of Peter Sellers*, so I just can't face it, sorry)
27. BONNIE AND CLYDE (1967)
28. APOCALYPSE NOW (1979)
29. MR. SMITH GOES TO WASHINGTON (1939)
30. THE TREASURE OF THE SIERRA MADRE (1948)
31. ANNIE HALL (1977)
32. THE GODFATHER PART II (1974)
33. HIGH NOON (1952)
34. TO KILL A MOCKINGBIRD (1962)
35. IT HAPPENED ONE NIGHT (1934)
36. MIDNIGHT COWBOY (1969) (I keep missing the majority of this when it's on TV. Fine soundtrack though)
37. THE BEST YEARS OF OUR LIVES (1946)
38. DOUBLE INDEMNITY (1944)
39. DOCTOR ZHIVAGO (1965)
40. NORTH BY NORTHWEST (1959)
41. WEST SIDE STORY (1961)
42. REAR WINDOW (1954)
43. KING KONG (1933)
44. THE BIRTH OF A NATION (1915)
45. A STREETCAR NAMED DESIRE (1951)
46. A CLOCKWORK ORANGE (1971)
47. TAXI DRIVER (1976)
48. JAWS (1975)
49. SNOW WHITE AND THE SEVEN DWARFS (1937)
50. BUTCH CASSIDY AND THE SUNDANCE KID (1969)
51. THE PHILADELPHIA STORY (1940) (number one on my list, fact fans)
52. FROM HERE TO ETERNITY (1953)
53. AMADEUS (1984)
54. ALL QUIET ON THE WESTERN FRONT (1930)
55. THE SOUND OF MUSIC (1965)
56. M*A*S*H (1970)
57. THE THIRD MAN (1949)
58. FANTASIA (1940)
59. REBEL WITHOUT A CAUSE (1955)
60. RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK (1981)
61. VERTIGO (1958) (number two on my list, and I'm amazed it's this low down)
62. TOOTSIE (1982)
63. STAGECOACH (1939) (not a big western fan)
64. CLOSE ENCOUNTERS OF THE THIRD KIND (1977)
65. THE SILENCE OF THE LAMBS (1991)
66. NETWORK (1976)
67. THE MANCHURIAN CANDIDATE (1962)
68. AN AMERICAN IN PARIS (1951)
69. SHANE (1953) (see Stagecoach)
70. THE FRENCH CONNECTION (1971)
71. FORREST GUMP (1994)
72. BEN-HUR (1959)
73. WUTHERING HEIGHTS (1939)
74. THE GOLD RUSH (1925)
75. DANCES WITH WOLVES (1990)
76. CITY LIGHTS (1931)
77. AMERICAN GRAFFITI (1973)
78. ROCKY (1976)
79. THE DEER HUNTER (1978)
80. THE WILD BUNCH (1969)
81. MODERN TIMES (1936)
82. GIANT (1956)
83. PLATOON (1986)
84. FARGO (1996)
85. DUCK SOUP (1933) (this needs to be rectified sharpish)
86. MUTINY ON THE BOUNTY (1935)
87. FRANKENSTEIN (1931)
88. EASY RIDER (1969)
89. PATTON (1970)
90. THE JAZZ SINGER (1927)
91. MY FAIR LADY (1964)
92. A PLACE IN THE SUN (1951)
93. THE APARTMENT (1960)
94. GOODFELLAS (1990)
95. PULP FICTION (1994)
96. THE SEARCHERS (1956) (I've tried to get through this a few times but I just can't do it - it's a western, it stars John Wayne, and I don't care if it's a classic, it bores me to tears)
97. BRINGING UP BABY (1938)
98. UNFORGIVEN (1992)
99. GUESS WHO'S COMING TO DINNER (1967)
100. YANKEE DOODLE DANDY (1942) (some mistake surely...)

The BFI 100 List

1. The Third Man 1949.
2. Brief Encounter 1945.
3. Lawrence of Arabia 1962.
4. The 39 Steps 1935.
5. Great Expectations 1946.
6. Kind Hearts and Coronets 1949.
7. Kes 1969.
8. Don't Look Now 1973.
9. The Red Shoes 1948.
10. Trainspotting 1996.
11. The Bridge on the River Kwai 1957.
12. If 1968.
13. The Ladykillers 1955.
14. Saturday Night and Sunday Morning 1960.
15. Brighton Rock 1947.
16. Get Carter 1971.
17. The Lavender Hill Mob 1951.
18. Henry V 1944.
19. Chariots of Fire 1981.
20. A Matter of Life and Death 1946.
21. The Long Good Friday 1980.
22. The Servant 1963.
23. Four Weddings And A Funeral 1994.
24. Whisky Galore 1949. (the possibility of hideous fake Scottish accents has put me off this one)
25. The Full Monty 1997.
26. The Crying Game 1992.
27. Doctor Zhivago 1965.
28. Monty Python's Life of Brian 1979.
29. Withnail and I 1987.
30. Gregory's Girl 1980.
31. Zulu 1964.
32. Room at the Top 1958.
33. Alfie 1966.
34. Gandhi 1982.
35. The Lady Vanishes 1938.
36. The Italian Job 1969.
37. Local Hero 1983.
38. The Commitments 1991.
39. A Fish Called Wanda 1988.
40. Secrets & Lies 1995.
41. Dr No 1962.
42. The Madness of King George 1994.
43. A Man For All Seasons 1966.
44. Black Narcissus 1947 (this one jolly well ought to be higher up the list I reckon)
45. The Life and Death of Colonel Blimp 1943.
46. Oliver Twist 1948.
47. I'm All Right Jack 1959.
48. Performance 1970.
49. Shakespeare in Love 1998.
50. My Beautiful Laundrette 1985.
51. Tom Jones 1963.
52. This Sporting Life 1963.
53. My Left Foot 1989.
54. Brazil 1985.
55. The English Patient 1996.
56. A Taste of Honey 1961.
57. The Go-Between 1970.
58. The Man in the White Suit 1951. (I'd have this one higher up as well)
59. The Ipcress File 1965.
60. Blow Up 1966.
61. The Loneliness of the Long Distance Runner 1962.
62. Sense and Sensibility 1995. (this one, on the other hand...)
63. Passport to Pimlico 1949.
64. The Remains of the Day 1993.
65. Sunday, Bloody Sunday 1971.
66. The Railway Children 1970.
67. Mona Lisa 1986.
68. The Dam Busters 1955.
69. Hamlet 1948.
70. Goldfinger 1964.
71. Elizabeth 1998.
72. Goodbye Mr. Chips 1939.
73. A Room With A View 1985.
74. The Day of the Jackal 1973.
75. The Cruel Sea 1952.
76. Billy Liar 1963.
77. Oliver 1968.
78. Peeping Tom 1960.
79. Far From the madding Crowd 1967.
80. The Draughtsman's Contract 1982.
81. A Clockwork Orange 1971.
82. Distant Voices, Still Lives 1988.
83. Darling 1965.
84. Educating Rita 1983.
85. Brassed Off 1996.
86. Genevieve 1953.
87. Women in Love 1969.
88. A Hard Day's Night 1964.
89. Fires Were Started 1943.
90. Hope and Glory 1987.
91. My Name is Joe 1998.
92. In Which We Serve 1942.
93. Caravaggio 1986.
94. The Belles of St. Trinian's 1954
95. Life is Sweet 1990.
96. The Wicker Man 1973.
97. Nil By Mouth 1997.
98. Small Faces 1995.
99. Carry On Up The Khyber 1968.
100. The Killing Fields 1984.

The Times’ Best 100 French Films (divided into categories)

Modern Classics

Amélie (Le Fabuleux Destin D’amélie Poulain) (Jean-Pierre Jeunet, 2001)
Savage Nights (Les Nuits Fauves) (Cyril Collard, 1992)
Wild Reeds (Les Roseaux Sauvages) (André Téchiné, 1994)
Nelly And Mr Arnaud (Nelly & Monsieur Arnaud) (Claude Sautet, 1995, DVD region 1)
The Dream Life Of Angels (La Vie Rêvée Des Anges) (Erick Zonca, 1998)
Beau Travail (Claire Denis, 1999)
Time Regained (Le Temps Retrouvé) (Raoul Ruiz, 1999)
Fat Girl (À Ma Soeur!) (Catherine Breillat, 2001)
Time Out (L’emploi Du Temps) (Laurent Cantet, 2001)
The Dodge (L’esquive) (Abdellatif Kechiche, 2003)

Modern Cults

The Big Blue (Le Grand Bleu) (Luc Besson, 1988)
Delicatessen (Marc Caro & Jean-Pierre Jeunet, 1991)
City Of Lost Children (La Cité Des Enfants Perdus) (Marc Caro & Jean-Pierre Jeunet, 1995)
My Sex Life (Or How To Get Into An Argument) (Comment Je Me Suis Disputé . . . Ma Vie Sexuelle) (Arnaud Desplechin, 1996)
I Stand Alone (Seul Contre Tous) (Gaspar Noé, 1998)
The Dinner Game (Le Dîner De Cons) (Francis Veber, 1998)
Harry, He’s Here To Help (Harry, Un Ami Qui Vous Veut Du Bien) (Dominik Moll, 2000)
Demonlover (Olivier Assayas, 2002)
Belleville Rendez-Vous (Les Triplettes De Belleville) (Sylvain Chomet, 2003)
Hate (La Haine) (Mathieu Kassovitz, 1995, b/w)

Dramas

Grand Illusion (La Grande Illusion) (Jean Renoir, 1937, b/w)
Marius/Fanny/César (The Marseilles Trilogy) (Alexander Korda/Marc Allégret/ Marcel Pagnol, 1931/32/36, b/w)
The Wages Of Fear (Le Salaire De La Peur) (Henri-Georges Clouzot, 1953, b/w)
Pickpocket (Robert Bresson, 1959, b/w)
Army In The Shadows (L’armée Des Ombres) (Jean-Pierre Melville, 1969)
Vincent, François, Paul And The Others (Vincent, François, Paul Et Les Autres) (Claude Sautet, 1974,
A Sunday In The Country (Un Dimanche À La Campagne) (Bertrand Tavernier, 1984)
Au Revoir Les Enfants (Louis Malle, 1987)
The Three Colours Trilogy: Red, White And Blue (Trois Couleurs: Rouge, Blanc, & Bleu) (Krzysztof Kieslowski, 1993/ 1999)
Look At Me (Comme Une Image) (Agnès Jaoui, 2004)

Romances

The Children Of Paradise (Les Enfants Du Paradis) (Marcel Carné, 1945, b/w) (fan-flipping-tastic film)
L’atalante (Jean Vigo, 1934, b/w)
Beauty And The Beast (La Belle Et La Bête) (Jean Cocteau, 1946, b/w) (everyone makes a pilgrimage to Jean Cocteau's grave don't they? Only to find the little churchyard closed after a two hour detour? Just me then? Oh well...)
Madame De ... (Max Ophüls, 1953, b/w)
Jules And Jim (Jules Et Jim) (François Truffaut, 1962, b/w)
The Umbrellas Of Cherbourg (Les Parapluies De Cherbourg) (Jacques Demy, 1964)
A Man And A Woman (Un Homme Et Une Femme) (Claude Lelouch, 1966) (quite possibly the best film soundtrack ever)
Betty Blue (37˚ 2 Le Matin) (Jean-Jacques Beineix, 1986)
Cyrano De Bergerac (Jean-Paul Rappeneau, 1990)
Lovers On The Bridge (Les Amants Du Pont-Neuf) (Leos Carax, 1991)

Thrillers

The Butcher (Le Boucher) (Claude Chabrol, 1970)
Daybreak (Le Jour Se Lève) (Marcel Carné, 1939, b/w)
The Raven (Le Corbeau) (Henri-Georges Clouzot, 1943, b/w)
Diabolique (Les Diaboliques) (Henri-Georges Clouzot, 1955, b/w)
Eyes Without A Face (Les Yeux Sans Visage) (Georges Franju, 1959, b/w)
The Finger Man (Le Doulos) (Jean-Pierre Melville, 1962, b/w)
The Hole (Le Trou) (Jacques Becker, 1960, b/w)
Nikita (Luc Besson, 1990)
L’appartement (Gilles Mimouni, 1996)
Read My Lips (Sur Mes Lèvres) (Jacques Audiard, 2001)

Comedies

The Rules Of The Game (La Règle Du Jeu) (Jean Renoir, 1939, b/w)
The Crime Of Monsieur Lange (Le Crime De Monsieur Lange) (Jean Renoir, 1936, b/w)
Bizarre, Bizarre (Drôle De Drame) (Marcel Carné, 1937 b/w)
Mr Hulot’s Holiday (Les Vacances De M. Hulot) (Jacques Tati, 1951, b/w)
The Discreet Charm Of The Bourgeoisie (Le Charme Discret De La Bourgeoisie) (Luis Buñuel, 1972)
Making It (Les Valseuses) (Bertrand Blier, 1974)
Birds Of A Feather (La Cage Aux Folles) (Edouard Molinaro, 1978)
An Autumn Tale (Conte D’automne) (Eric Rohmer, 1998)
Other People’s Taste (Le Goût Des Autres) (Agnès Jaoui, 2000)
Ma Femme Est Une Actrice (My Wife Is An Actress) (Yvan Attal, 2001

Nouvelle Vague

Contempt (Le Mépris) (Jean-Luc Godard, 1963) (Godard's worst 60s film in my opinion. As they've got Bande A Part in another category, Weekend would have fitted here quite nicely)
Hiroshima Mon Amour (Alain Resnais, 1959, b/w)
The 400 Blows (Les Quatre Cents Coups) (François Truffaut, 1959, b/w) (only one Truffaut film in the list? Travesty!)
The Girls (Les Bonnes Femmes) (Claude Chabrol, 1960 b/w)
Last Year In Marienbad (L’année Dernière À Marienbad) (Alain Resnais, 1961, b/w)
The Young Girls Of Rochefort (Les Demoiselles De Rochefort) (Jacques Demy, 1967)
My Night With Maud (Ma Nuit Chez Maud) (Eric Rohmer, 1969, b/w,)
Celine And Julie Go Boating (Céline Et Julie Vont En Bateau) (Jacques Rivette, 1974)
Sunless (Sans Soleil) (Chris Marker)
Vagabond (Sans Toit Ni Loi) (Agnès Varda)

Landmarks

Voyage To The Moon (Le Voyage Dans La Lune) (Georges Méliès, 1902)
Arrival Of A Train At The Station (L’arrivée D’un Train À La Ciotat) (Louis Lumière, 1895, b/w)
Napoléon (Abel Gance, 1927, b/w)
The Passion Of Joan Of Arc (La Passion De Jeanne D’arc) (Carl Theodor Dreyer, 1927, b/w)
An Andalusian Dog (Un Chien Andalou) (Luis Buñuel, 1928, b/w)
The Sorrow And The Pity (Le Chagrin Et La Pitié) (Marcel Ophüls, 1969, b/w)
The Mother And The Whore (La Maman Et La Putain) (Jean Eustache, 1973, b/w)
Diva (Jean-Jacques Beineix, 1981)
To Our Loves (À Nos Amours) (Maurice Pialat, 1983)
Histoire(S) Du Cinema (Jean-Luc Godard, 1998)

Shorts

Entr’acte (René Clair, 1924, b/w)
Blood Of A Poet (Le Sang D’un Poète) (Jean Cocteau, 1930, b/w)
Zero For Conduct (Zero De Conduite) (Jean Vigo, 1933, b/w, DVD)
A Day In The Country (Une Partie De Campagne) (Jean Renoir, 1936 b/w)
Blood Of The Beasts (Le Sang Des Bêtes) (Georges Franju, 1949, b/w)
A Song Of Love (Un Chant D’amour) (Jean Genet, 1950, b/w)
Night And Fog (Nuit Et Brouillard) (Alain Resnais, 1955)
The Red Balloon (Le Ballon Rouge) (Albert Lamorrise, 1956)
The Jetty (La Jetée) (Chris Marker, 1962, b/w)
Real Cool Time (Ce Vieux Rêve Qui Bouge) (Alain Guiraudie, 2001)

Icons

Deneuve/Béart/Huppert/Ledoyen/Ardant/Darrieux/Sagnier/ Richard: 8 Women (Huit Femmes) (François Ozon, 2002) Jean Gabin: Pépé Le Moko (Julien Duvivier, 1937, b/w)
Brigitte Bardot: And God Created Woman (Et Dieu . . . Créa La Femme) (Roger Vadim, 1956)
Jeanne Moreau: Lift To The Scaffold (Ascenseur Pour L’échafaud) (Louis Malle, 1958, b/w) -
Alain Delon: Purple Noon (Plein Soleil) (René Clément, 1960)
Anna Karina: Band Of Outsiders (Bande À Part) (Jean-Luc Godard, 1964, b/w)
Catherine Deneuve: Belle De Jour (Luis Buñuel, 1967)
Gérard Depardieu/ Emmanuelle Béart/ Yves Montand: Jean De Florette/ Manon Des Sources (Claude Berri, 1986)
Isabelle Adjani: La Reine Margot (Patrice Chéreau, 1994)
Jean Reno: Léon (Luc Besson, 1994)


The only other national list I could possibly have seen enough of to bother with would be Germany - other than that, there are alarmingly large gaps in my film knowledge. Although I surely deserve some sort of prize for having seen all but one of the Andy Hardy films...


*this is a problem, as it interferes terribly with my Goons listening/Spike Milligan appreciation. Though at least with radio I don't have to see his hideous, constant-air-of-seedy-desperation face

Damned internet, with its constant distractions...

Must. Go. To. Bed.

Must. Resist. Urge. To. Shop...

There's really no need for me to be online at 4 in the morning, looking at corsets and petticoats.


If only they'd stop making them so damned purty...

Me and Princess Di

So there I was, innocently watching a feature on GMTV about tonight's Charles, Camilla, and Diana drama Whatever Love Means, when a familiar face appeared on the screen. A quick check of the TV guide confirmed my suspicions - someone I used to work with was going to be on TV.
That someone is Michelle Duncan, one of the sweetest, kindest people I've ever had the pleasure of meeting, and it's a positive delight to see her doing so well. It's nice to see people who deserve success achieving it. Although this does mean I'm going to have to watch an ITV Drama, and a royalty-based one at that. But hey, Michelle's in it! And she'll be in an episode of Doctor Who soon too! Yay!

So Christmas is over...

... and thank fuck for that.
I did of course forget one link in the festive rundown, possibly the most important one of all - the Samaritans.
Bah humbug...

Day Twenty-Five: It's Christmas!!!!!!!!!1111eleventy

Yes, I know, I'm posting ahead of time - I won't have access to the computer on the actual days. I've run out of links or things to say, so here's some pretty pictures.

Day Twenty-Four: War On Christmas?

Some folks seem to be getting their knickers in a twist about the secularisation of Christmas. This takes a few different forms, from horror at the use of the word Xmas, to the rather more extreme view (apparently there's a liberal conspiracy to silence all Christians. Yes of course there is...) Strangely enough, when people try to find evidence for this, it seems to be somewhat lacking...

And not all Christians agree with Christmas anyway - this chap is particularly annoyed with it...

Day Twenty-Three: Let There Be Light

Back in the olden days, Christmas decorating was a relatively simple affair - get a tree, add some baubles, chuck a bit of tinsel around, and, if you wanted to be really daring, maybe add some twinkling lights.

Those days are long gone. apparently it's all about houseblinging now. The brighter, more extravagant, and more over the top your house exterior looks, the better. Shock horror, it's a trend originating in the USA, but it has definitely arrived on our shores. If you don't have a neon Santa dancing on your roof, you're nobody...

Day Twenty-Two: Multi-faith Extravaganza

If you're not into Christmas, there's plenty of other festivities to choose from at this time of year. It's a bit late now for Bodhi Day, but not to worry, how about a bit of Kwanzaa? Or you could always take some time out to mark Zarathosht Diso, the death of the Prophet Zarathrustra.

The biggie is, of course, Hanukkah. Here's a guide for children, and some recipes.

The Wicca perspective reclaims the Winter Solstice from it's Christian overcoating.

And what about the rest of us? Well, thanks in large part to Seinfeld, we have Festivus!

Day Twenty-One: Oh Yes It Is!

One of the great Christmas traditions on these shores is the pantomime, a peculiar mix of music, comedy, fairy tale, and double entendre.

A basic introduction to the panto concept is available from Wikipedia, and an outline of the necessary elements for writing a show is here.

There is also a guided tour of pantoland, and an excellent guide to the history of this unique form of theatre courtesy of It's Behind You. Scotland is particularly strong on panto, as demonstrated here.

And if you want to know what show is on where, the Big Panto Guide is the definitive list of professional and amateur performances.

Day Twenty: Hooray for the internet

Sometimes I love the internet. Sometimes it can turn up things like Christmas songs by Sufjan Stevens.

And of course, it's also good for things like photos of children being scared by Santa.

Yay!

Day Nineteen: A-carolling We Shall Go

You really know it's about three months till Christmas when the shops start playing all the festive favourites, but as it's actually the right time for them now, how about a few sites dedicated to them?

There's a good selection of traditional carols here, with information on their origins.

An extremely wide selection is covered by The Hymns and Carols of Christmas.

More modern Christmas songs are featured here.

There is a particularly strong carol singing tradition in the north of England, a notable event being the Sheffield Carols

Day Eighteen: Here Comes Santa Claus

Want to know more about Santa? Then try the Santa Faq

If you want to write to him, then head off to Santa's Mailroom

And of course, before you write, it might be helpful to find out if you've been bad or good

If you want to track Santa as he heads around the world, try the NORAD Santa Tracker, or one of the Christmas Webcams

Day Seventeen: Christmas Plants

There are various plants and flowers associated with Christmas time. Many of these in fact pre-date Christianity, being variously associated with Celtic, Nordic, Germanic and Roman practices.

Information on the traditions surrounding these plants can be found at the links below::

The fir tree
Holly
Ivy
Mistletoe
Poinsettia
Christmas Rose
Glastonbury Thorn

Ah, the wit! The humour!

That X Factor mention below just reminded me of some particularly fine, and ever so mature, pics I done gone made of last year's winner and runners-up, Steve "Pub Singer" Brookstein and operatic fools G4. So here they are for your viewing "pleasure".




















That peculiar feeling you're experiencing now is your sides splitting...

As for this year's final I really don't care who wins. As long as it's not the painfully earnest Journey South. And I'd rather the charisma-free zone that is Shayne Ward (he's young, he's from Manchester - really Louis? How very informative) didn't win. Not that fussed about Andy either, to be honest. Still, at least Zoe Ball isn't on the show...

Day Sixteen: Do You Hear What I Hear?

Penguin Books have a podcast of Dicken's A Christmas Carol, read by Geoffrey Palmer. Which is awfully nice of them. And apparently, it's so popular that they're having some "technical difficulties", but I'm sure it'll be back shortly... *7a.m. EDIT* it's back Back BACK! And I need some sleep - The Bitch Factor kept me up reading all night, the swines. And naturally, I didn't stumble across it until they'd already abandoned ship. Bah and, indeed, humbug...

Project Gutenberg have audio books of some Dickens Christmas Stories and the Christmas Books by Thackeray

Amazon.com have a selection of Christmas mp3s available for download (possibly not the best versions the world has ever heard, but hey, they're free and legal). I'm sure Rude Ass the Farting Reindeer by The Fart Guys is a delightful gem...

And on a non-audio note, Listphilia is doing a splendid Christmas A to Z

Day Fifteen: So There's This Guy Called Jesus...

... and apparently these Christmas shenanigans are something to do with his birthday

And it seems that there's a book called the Bible that has several versions of the story - one by a chap named Matthew, and another by a fella called Luke

Or for a more exciting version, you can also see it in the form of Lego or fine art

It would appear that there are quite a few different ideas about this story, some more serious than others

And there was me thinking it was all about a fat man in a red suit, mince pies, and presents...

Day Fourteen: Bah Humbug

The Santapult


Santa Must Die!

Day Thirteen: Just What I've Always Wanted

The Twelve Days of Kitschmas

Day Twelve: Office Survival

Two links for you today -

The Cap'n's Unfortunate Christmas Cards

and for those of you unfortunate enough to be stuck in Seasonal Office Hell,

The Guardian's Office Party Pack

I hope it's of some consolation as you're forced to make stilted small talk with that cow from accounts over the mince pies...

Day Eleven: Erte

Erte Biography

Day Ten - Consumerist Frenzy

Shopping Guides

The Times' Christmas Shopping Guide

What Not To Buy For Christmas

A Don't-Be-Shy Shopping Guide

Shopping With a Conscience

Oxfam Unwrapped

Cancer Research UK

Shelter

UNICEF

WorldVision

Christian Aid

Sightsavers International

The Alternative Christmas List

Day Nine - A Liddle Bidda Kulchir

Let's raise the tone today, with a truly magnificent, dead classy Christmas treat.

Or on the other hand, there's always the Lake District Baarmy Sheep....

Oh dear...

Day Eight - will this do?

I'm a little short on time, so just the one link for today


Mrs Beeton's Christmas pudding recipes

Day 6 and 7

Yes yes, I know, I'm horrendously late with yesterday's entry - I was out, okay? I dragged my flu-addled body to Glasgow to see the New Pornographers playing at the ABC. More about that later, if you promise to behave.

So it's a bit of a double whammy today then. First of all, how about some Christmas poetry? There's one on here by Ian McMillan, who, back in the day, used to do some of the poetry bits on Mark Radcliffe's late night Radio One show. Shame they don't have a recording of it really, as he has the most avuncular voice in the western hemisphere - if Santa Claus came from Yorkshire, that is how he'd sound.

I did have a look at the Poetry Archive, but when a search for christmas throws up a poem called "My Mammogram", you know it ain't going to be a cheery little number...

The second festive number I have for you is the script for It's A Wonderful Life, everyone's favourite Jimmy Stewart and an angel at Christmas time movie.

And just so you know how much I care, I'll thrown in an extra bonus - how about a bad pun?

Day Five - Don't Fancy Yours Much

Day Four

Today's festive delight -

The complete text of Charles Dicken's A Christms Carol
complete with purty pictures

Advent Day Three

A couple of christmas quizzes for you today:

a picture quiz

and

a multiple choice quiz

On the second day of Christmas...

The British Turkey Information Service Cooking FAQ



2005 Advent Calendar Presented by Q-Creative Multimedia

Falling and Laughing

Betsie clumsily maims herself part 3821:



I managed this little beauty while walking home from Tesco last night. My little tumble was in no way related to the earlier ale consumption, nope, couldn't possibly be...

On the first day of christmas...

Well, okay, a teensy bit into the second day, but don't hold that against me...

For today's festive treat, here's a little link for you - Advent Calendars - The History of a Christmas Tradition

What a selection...

I'm so proud...

I'm no.21 on a Google search for Judy Finnigan cleavage - it's good to know I've achieved something worthwhile with my life after all...

Media Grotesqueries and a Drawn-out Death

A man has died after a long illness. Meanwhile a salacious media has been camped outside his hospital, desperate for hour-by-hour, minute-by-minute health details, and quotes from visiting friends and family.

No-one needed this coverage: there was no public clamour for constant updates, no major developments, save the release of harrowing photographs intended to show the world the effects of his long-term alcoholism. All the frenzy has achieved is to remove what little dignity remained in a life which had sadly lacked that quality.

To my generation while growing up, George Best was not a world-class footballer. He wasn't even a world-class womanizer. All the name Best represented was that sad old drunk who turned up worse for wear on chat shows, a demonstration of a talent thrown away, squandered for the lure of addiction (there were two such figures at the time: the world of acting was represented by Oliver Reed). Even though he was still relatively young at this point, you wouldn't have known it to look at him - years of boozing aren't kind on appearance.

Such was the level of his addiction, even a new liver couldn't make him turn his back on the bottle for long. And all the time, the press were delighted to report on failed marriages, family troubles, health problems, and unfortunate booze-related embarrassments. After all, a decline and fall is far more juicy than glittering success. There's more sleaze for one thing.

Maybe it's the 24 hour nature of modern media coverage that creates a need amongst journalists for the levels of intrusion witnessed in the past week. Maybe hourly bulletins make it easy to forget that at the centre of a story there is a real human being, with a real family, and a right to some degree of privacy. Or maybe we all demand too much of our celebrity culture these days: limits are forgotten, with our right to information taking precedence over basic decency.

Whatever the cause, it has been unseemly, and an unpleasant atmosphere in which to mark the passing of someone who once had the world at his feet. He deserved better.

Tache-o-rama

So I was trying to watch Question Time, the UK's premier weekly "grill the panel of politicos" show, but something was distracting me. The same something has had this effect before, leaving me incapable of following a word that was said. It was this:



Or to be more precise, it was his moustache. This is Lord Thurso, Liberal Democrat something-or-other. He could be the greatest orator of the modern era, or a hate-filled harbinger of evil, but I'd be none the wiser - the tache gets all the attention.

He always reminds me of this fella -



Francis Tumblety, one of the many suspects in the Jack the Ripper case (more about that here). I've always had trouble taking him seriously as a suspect: it seems ridiculous to suggest that a gent with his frankly ludicrous facial adornment could meld into the background successfully enough to avoid detection.

Of course if you should happen to find yourself in need of hiding for years on end after accidentally killing your children's nanny (no need for an allegedly here, methinks), then a distinctive tache like so



could be quite handy. Just get rid of it, and the world at large will be none the wiser. Anyone seen Lord Lucan lately?

Tour o' the Sundays

The Sphinx and the curious case of the Iron Lady's H-bomb

A shot in the dark

The Church, the Wardrobe and the holy alliance

The prickly tale of Charlie and the urchin factory

Che's Second Coming?

A clearer vision

373: That's the average number of painkillers we each take in a year. Is it too many?

Is the truth too hot to handle?

DC Confidential by Christopher Meyer

Population 1: the town that's been reclaimed by the prairie

Raging against the machine

Crappy picture, fabby gig

...and the award for Best Gig I've Ever Seen goes to...... the Decemberists, in Glasgow, last night, with a quite spectacular Mariner's Revenge Song for a finale. It were reet grand, so it was...

Where do I live again?

You would think that, if you were to take a few citizenship tests, you might score best in the one for your own country, right?
Well not if you're me - on a BBC mock-up of the British one, I scored a slightly pathetic 8/14 (about 57%), on a USA version I made it a little higher with 60% (though not high enough to be let in apparently), but on the Canadian test I romped home with 85%!

I guess I'd better start packing...

I've discovered a new species...

... ratus drownus


such a good look...

Lest We Forget...

Armistice Day

Commonwealth War Graves Commission

British War Memorial Project

German War Graves Commission

World War 1 1914-1918

Dorothy Parker - Resumé

Razors pain you;
Rivers are damp;
Acids stain you;
And drugs cause cramp.

Guns aren't lawful;
Nooses give;
Gas smells awful;
You might as well live.

solipsistic

I don't have the faintest idea what this is all about, but it's rather fascinating. And there's a bit of silent film appreciation going on, which is always a good thing

Buy Buy Buy

It's blatant plug time again (yes, I know, but it's not my fault, they made me do it). Now available from assorted fine online retailers, it's the long-awaited Sweet Billy Pilgrim album! Oh the excitement! Oh the joy! Oh the lovely melancholy!


And my other purchase of the week (because everyone wants to buy whatever I buy, don't they?) is the latest from Elbow. I'm slightly slow on the uptake here, but I was poverty-stricken when it was released, and better late than never, eh?

Thanks to the marvel that is google, I now know the exact date I became an Elbow fan: Friday 26th January 2001. It's good to know these things, isn't it? Completely useless information, but then so are most things on this here blog, so why break with tradition...

Ra Big Gemme

How's this for glamour? Saturday afternoon, myself and the Young Man trotted off to McDiarmid Park for the thrill and excitement of St Johnstone v Airdrie Utd. But not for us the luxury of a plastic seat in a stand, oh no (well, not at £16 a throw for first division football, that's for sure). Why pay when you can, instead, repair to the rear of the stadium and peer over the wall? That's far more sensible surely...

Team Info
Saints: some numpties in blue
Airdrie: some numpties in white

Match Report

• I can exclusively reveal that the brick wall had a superb defensive game, successfully preventing any goalmouth action
• The scoreboard is quite big, but not very informative from the back
• The cumberland sausage bought from Tesco on the way was very tasty, thanks
• Saints haven't bought a new CD since approximately 1992
• There was a goal in the first half. For Saints apparently

The official Saints site is here, and here's a match report from Temple of Saints

Man of Steel Woman of Kleenex

Have you ever found yourself wondering about Superman's sperm?

No, me neither.

They'll be crying into their 10 for a quid hankies...

I'm sorry to have to break this to you, bargain hunters of Britain, but the newly crowned King of Cheaply-Priced Tat, Primark, was up in flames last night.
I've held a grudge against the place since I was told off for losing a newly-bought padded pink glove there aged eight, but maybe I should keep quiet about that for now - I wouldn't want to be framed for arson after all...

Yeah, right...

What Classic Movie Are You?
personality tests by similarminds.com

Having seen the other options though, maybe it's not so bad. Call those classic films? Pah!

I really should avoid doing these damn things...

Advanced Global Personality Test Results Extraversion |||||| 26% Stability |||| 20% Orderliness |||||| 23% Accommodation |||||||||||||||| 70% Interdependence |||| 16% Intellectual |||||| 30% Mystical |||||||||||| 50% Artistic |||||||||||||||| 70% Religious || 10% Hedonism |||||||||||||| 56% Materialism |||||||||| 36% Narcissism |||||||||| 36% Adventurousness |||||| 30% Work ethic |||||||||||| 43% Self absorbed |||||||||||||||| 63% Conflict seeking |||||| 30% Need to dominate |||||| 30% Romantic |||||||||||| 50% Avoidant |||||||||||||||||| 76% Anti-authority |||||||||||||| 56% Wealth || 10% Dependency |||||| 30% Change averse |||||||||||| 50% Cautiousness |||||||||||||||| 70% Individuality |||||||||||||||| 70% Sexuality |||||||||||||||| 63% Peter pan complex |||||| 30% Physical security |||||| 23% Physical Fitness |||||| 24% Histrionic |||||| 30% Paranoia |||||||||||||||| 70% Vanity |||||||||||||||| 70% Hypersensitivity |||||||||||||||||||| 90% Female cliche |||||||||||||||| 70%

Take Free Advanced Global Personality Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

But I don't do anal...

Freudian Inventory Results

Oral (30%) you appear to be stubbornly and irrationally against receiving help even when it might be the more intelligent option. Anal (16%) you appear to be overly lacking in self control and organization, and possibly have a compulsive need to defy authority. If you are too scatterbrained, you will not develop much as a person as you will habitually switch paths before you ever learn anything. Phallic (46%) you appear to have a good balance of sexual awareness and sexual composure. Latency (50%) you appear to have a good balance of abstract knowledge seeking and practicality, dealing with real world responsibilities while still cultivating your abstract and creative faculties and interests. Genital (53%) you appear to be somewhere between a progressive/openminded and regressive/closeminded outlook on life.

Take Free Freudian Inventory Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

I simply don't know what they mean...

Personality Disorder Test Results Paranoid |||||||||||||| 58% Schizoid |||||||||||||||||||| 86% Schizotypal |||||||||||||||| 66% Antisocial |||||| 26% Borderline |||||||||||||||||| 74% Histrionic |||| 14% Narcissistic |||||| 30% Avoidant |||||||||||||| 58% Dependent |||||||||| 38% Obsessive-Compulsive |||||| 26%

Take Free Personality Disorder Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

Hearts on the line

Well, whadda you know, having a Lithuanian millionaire take over your football club, wave the cash around, and exert more and more influence over decision-making isn't necessarily a good thing.

Heart of Midlothian FC (one of the clubs in Scotland's capital city, Edinburgh, for the uninitiated) have had a traumatic fortnight: losing a manager in unclear circumstances involving a confidentiality clause; ending a long-running unbeaten spell against their traditional city rivals and dropping from the top of the SPL in the process; and chief executive Phil Anderton and chairman George Foulkes both being sacked at the behest of majority shareholder Vladimir Romanov.

Now Romanov has installed his son Roman as successor to both sacked men, has been branded a dictator, the fans are starting to panic, and the nay-sayers have begun with the "i told you so"s.

I hope for Hearts' sake, and that of Scottish football generally, that there is some kind of happy ending to this tale of woe. The emergence of another team to threaten the hideous dominance of the Old Firm has been a joy for all those not in the thrall of the Glasgow duo. Not since the short-lasting "New Firm" Aberdeen/Dundee United heyday of the early to mid eighties has there been such a viable possibility of a change of command in the Scottish football firmament.

I don't hold out much hope though. There in an air of impending doom surrounding the whole affair, and the involvement of rich businessmen in football doesn't have the best of track records.

Having said that, if any Eastern European multi-millionaires happen to read this and are looking for a club to invest in, feel free to give St Johnstone FC a ring - a short-term flurry of excitement and success would be quite welcome thanks...

I have to stop browsing on Ebay, or I'm in danger of finding myself bidding on beauties like this - the perfect accessory for any home, I'm sure you'll agree...

I am Wearside Jack I am

Has the most famous hoaxer in Britain finally been caught?

Normal (sic) Service Is Resumed

Oh hello there, did you miss me? What do you mean you didn't know I was gone? I could have been stuck down a well with only the off-chance that a particularly intelligent collie dog/kangaroo/dolphin would bring a rescue team keeping me going...

In actuality, I've been stuck in computer repair hell. It turns out I'm not an engineer, or if I am, then I'm an incredibly slow one. So three weeks or so of jiggery-pokery later, I'm back, Back, BACK! with lots of lovely new, faster IT gubbins installed. Shame I'm still on dial-up, but that's rurality for you (go on BT, update the phone lines).

As a quick catch-up, here's a little item I like to call The Posts I Never Blogged:

Cemeteries - not just for junkies, goths and dead people

Robbie Williams - if you hate fame so much then fuck off back to obscurity, you smug irritating git

The Songs In My Head Are Scaring Me (aka if you like pina coladas please don't sing about it)

Digital radio is a marvellous thing, especially BBC7

Interpretive Dancing to Primal Scream and the Evil that is Bobby Gillespie