This isn't just a blog post, it's a lovingly written, beautifully crafted word sculpture...

Ahem.

Well, it's no more ridiculous than a Marks and Spencer food advert. You know the ones - Fleetwood Mac's Albatross plays in the background, the camera lingers over close-ups of some delicacy or other, and Dervla Kirwan starts up with her latest "this is not just food, it's ludicrously over-the-top food pornography" script. Those of you from foreign climes can see an example here.

A quick trip into the store confirms that the hyperbole isn't restricted to the television advertising, it has made its way onto the labels as well. No simple straightforward descriptions here; their chicken kievs are "oozing" with garlic, and the pizza bases are, of course, "hand crafted". Fruit flavoured fizzy drinks eschew plain ingredients in flavour of sicilian lemon and mexican lime, and alphonso mango and passionfruit.



Here are two particularly lovely examples:

on a pack of chicken thighs and drumsticks

the meaty full flavour of chicken thighs and drumsticks sprinkled with a wonderfully aromatic mix of garlic rosemary and parsley.

and on a pack of rump steak in peppercorn sauce

succulent, 21 day matured beef accompanied by a glossy pink peppercorn sauce finished with double cream, madiera and brandy

Even the basics have more description than ordinarily (and slightly higher ethical standards to go along with them it appears), with Muir Den pork and Oakham chicken, and an emphasis on fair trade goods in some areas. They even have a special magazine telling us how wonderful they are.

Now if only they could make the clothes sound good, they might just regain their pre-eminent high street position...