With these dreadful adverts you are spoiling us

I think I must be watching too much TV (I say watching, mostly it's just that noisy, flickering thing in the corner), for I am beginning to be inordinately irritated by some of the adverts. While I'm struggling to think of any I actually like, there are a select few which completely set my teeth on edge:

Vanish Oxi-action Max
For a start, the slogan "trust pink, forget stains" leads me to suspect that this is little more than lesbian propaganda, but setting that to one side for a minute, this is a particularly bad example of the Overacting school of advertisement making. A demonstration girl clad in bright pink accosts a passer-by, grabbing her dirty top to demonstrate the amazing stain-removing properties of Vanish. As a crowd gathers round them, Demonstration girl rubs beetroot into the top. Shock, horror, bewilderment and a ludicrous gasp overcome the onlookers. But fear not! The amazing properties of Vanish shift the stain! Truly it is a miracle of our time! Well, you'd think so to hear them anyway...

Canesten
So you work in an advertsing agency. How very glamorous and hip you think you are. And what exciting cutting-edge product do you end up promoting? Thrush treatment cream. Ha! Strangely enough, no mention is made of unpleasant itching or discharge (and they could have used that lovely blue liquid too). No, what we really want to know is that the company is thirty years old. Like we care...

Sensodyne/Colgate/some other brand
"I noticed I was getting a funny coating on my teeth. I asked my dentist, and he suggested I use Toothpaste. Now my teeth are shiny and clean! I recommend it!"

Activia Yoghurt
I don't want bifidis digestivum in my vocabulary, thanks all the same. And it sounds suspiciously made up in any case...

Whichever car is using that god-awful Spin Doctors song
Stop it now, you evil bastards!

Splenda
Smug bitch with a perfect house by the sea, perfect children and perfect blue and cream tableware, witters on about how everyone loves her "no-sugar" baking. Stop deluding yourself woman! There is sugar in them! It's supposedly made from the stuff! And most of us wouldn't use "no-sugar" as a synonym for "packed full of artificial sweetener" anyway! I hate her!

Oh, and Courtney Love and Steve Coogan? What the...?