Monday (i.e today)
Ch4 - 8pm - Dispatches- Chechnya: The Dirty War
A cheery report on the disputed "Russian" province, with added terrorism and state oppression.
BBC2 - 9pm - The New Al-Qaeda
A cheery report on everyone's favourite terrorists, with emphasis on use of the internet for recruitment and propaganda. First in a three-part series.
ITV1 - 12.30am - Tour De France Highlights
Coverage of the final week of Le Tour, with some completely-above-reproach-and-would-never-make-use-of-medical-intervention-to-boost-his-performance American fella winning. Again.
Tuesday
Ch4 - 12.30pm - Fanny By Gaslight
Hell, this one would make it in on name alone (my great great grandmother was called Fanny, as was her mother before her, it's a delightful name. Maybe I should revive it and adopt it as the middle name I never had?). This is a 1944 film starring the magnificent James Mason, and as such is a must see.
Ch4 - 2.35pm - Jane Eyre
Another film from the same year, with Joan Fontaine as the eponymous heroine, Orson Welles brooding moodily (can you brood non-moodily?) as Mr Rochester, and a young Elizabeth Taylor as her friend in her orphanage days. I know it's bad form to give away the ending, but reader, she married him.
There is nothing of note on post-afternoon, so I humbly suggest that you switch off your television and do something less boring instead.
Wednesday
BBC2 - 7.30pm The World's Most Photographed
Focussing on that funny little Austrian fellow with the Chaplinesque moustache, Adolf Hitler.
BBC2 - 9.00pm - The Strange Case Of Sherlock Holmes & Arthur Conan Doyle
Dougie Henshall plays the famous author in this drama exploring his reasons for killing off his detective hero.
If you happen to be in front of a TV at 2.25pm, you would be advised to avoid On Golden Pond on Ch4 - too much sentimentality isn't good for your health, you know...
Thursday
Ch4 - 2.15pm - The Four Feathers
Classic British military drama extravaganza from 1939. Not having seen it in years, I can't recall if anyone says "what ho, chaps!", but I jolly well hope they do.
Ch4 - 9.00pm - Dispatches: Supermarket Secrets
An expose on supermarket food, how it's full of hidden additives, destroys the environment and props up an unfair world economy, or something like that.
Friday
ITV1 - 8.30pm - Foyle's War
I normally avoid ITV Drama like the plague (there's only so much Sarah Lancashire and Ross Kemp anyone can take in a lifetime), but I must admit to a soft spot for this one. The presence of Michael Kitchen helps of course, but I think it's the slight air of cynicism which lurks within that gets me with this one, highlighting as it does that during WWII crime didn't vanish in a spirit of everyone pulling together, and that plenty of people were happy to take advantage of the cover of war to profit in one way or another.
The "I'm here all week" section
BBC1 - 11.30am - Car Booty; BBC1 - 12.15pm - Bargain Hunt; BBC1 - 2.05pm - Cash In The Attic; BBC2 - 6.00pm - Flog It
Variations on a theme, that being members of the public buying/selling/buying and selling family heirlooms/tat from a market/nice antiques for our viewing pleasure. From years of watching the likes of these, and, of course, the daddy of them all, Antiques Roadshow, I reckon I'm just about qualified to be one of the team on BBC1's Dealing With Dickinson (8.00pm on Sundays), where Mr Cheap as Chips is training selected plebs to be antiques dealers. If only I'd known I could have applied - drat!
ITV1 - 1.30pm - Nigella
In which the domestic goddess, Ms Lawson, proves that a chat show host she is not. Catch it before it gets pulled...
ITV1- 3pm - Have I Been Here Before?
A series where Z-list celebs undergo hypnosis and undertake past-life regression, then a "historian" tells us if their stories are plausible or not. It's as good as it sounds, though the presence of Derek Acorah would make it even better, of course.
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