Sometimes I wonder why I bother...

A Yahoo Messenger conversation, yesterday




betsie (18:24:29): why the sad face?
some bloke (18:24:50): cause i thought you wasn't going to reply
betsie (18:25:23): well, surprise...
some bloke (18:26:44): so want to chat?
betsie (18:27:19): that would appear to be the general idea
some bloke (18:28:50): how do i know this? do you know how many flakes message me and never talk? or how many people say they wish to talk but never say a word?
betsie (18:30:32): and then when they do talk you wish they hadn't...
some bloke (18:31:29): sometimes
some bloke (18:32:08): quite difficult to find interesting people on here
betsie (18:33:18): i'm a walking Random Nutter Attractor, it's a joy... still, beats the dull people with nothing to say for themselves
some bloke (18:34:13): i am tired of nuts
betsie (18:35:53): you get them too? anything interesting?
some bloke (18:36:12): no just losers
betsie (18:37:35): i seem to get a succession of foot fetishists for some reason. can't remember putting "other people's skanky feet" as one of my yahoo interests...
some bloke (18:38:43): your funny
betsie (18:39:00): i have my moments
some bloke (18:40:03): feet are sexy though
betsie (18:41:06): never seen the appeal myself, but apparently i'm in a minority. or in the wonderful world of the internet anyway
betsie (18:41:30): you in the ole u s of a?
some bloke (18:41:49): yes
betsie (18:42:19): i hail from ye olde scotland
some bloke (18:43:44): shit your not even in America i have the worse luck
betsie (18:43:54): loving the way that as soon as i adapt a persona for a yahoo profile, the world and his wife seems to think i'm actually french - eh, hello, check the address! note the lack of using the language! i despair sometimes...
betsie (18:44:33): never even been to yankeeland, let alone live there, sorry
betsie (18:50:04): *taps screen* anybody there?
some bloke (18:50:21): yes i am here
some bloke (18:50:36): i am just bummed out i can never find anyone interesting on here anymore
some bloke (18:50:44): :(
betsie (18:51:52): ahem! *goes in a sulk*
some bloke (18:52:26): at least i am not talking about stinky feet
betsie (18:52:49): you don't seem to be talking abouy anything dear
betsie (18:53:34): "interesting" is a two way thing, try saying something of note yourself
some bloke (18:53:58): i know i am not that interesting
betsie (18:54:27): well maybe you get the people you deserve then
some bloke (18:54:57): perhaps your correct
some bloke (18:55:07): sorry to bother you
betsie (18:55:48): just type whatever crap comes into your head, you never know there might actually be something worthwhile in there
some bloke (18:56:14): well of course i know that i am quite interesting
betsie (18:56:27): well show it then
some bloke (18:56:48): like i said sorry to take up your time
betsie (18:56:58): the silent type doesn't really work in messaging...
betsie (18:58:09): is that the sound of you quitting? you could always tell me something about yourself, just an idea...
some bloke (18:58:52): well you seem to have a problem with quiet, shy types so i was trying to leave you alone
some bloke (18:59:02): i know i am quite interesting i don't need to prove it
some bloke (18:59:21): besides your not even in the US
betsie (18:59:34): i am a quiet shy type, but a conversation needs someone to say something
some bloke (18:59:36): for some reason i had assumed you was from here
some bloke (18:59:59): if you wish to talk we can
betsie (19:00:20): as we're never going to meet in any case, what the hell difference does it make if i'm not in the states?
betsie (19:00:54): the is life outwith the shores of the usa. intelligent life at that
betsie (19:01:18): so what do you want to talk about, as i seem to be getting nowhere...
some bloke (19:02:08): if i am bothering you so much then why on earth are you trying to talk to me?
some bloke (19:02:20): i am not a bad person
betsie (19:02:38): because you appear from your profile to actually have some potential
some bloke (19:02:59): and i certainly wasn't trying to give the impression that people not in the US are not intelligent
betsie (19:03:07): i never said you were a bad person, where did you get that from?
betsie (19:03:53): if you want to talk, then you start
betsie (19:09:10): ... and apparently you don't. i must find out where i can sign up for those getting blood out of a stone classes....
some bloke (19:09:43): i really am not a boring person
betsie (19:10:09): say something. anything
some bloke (19:10:34): if i seem so boring why are you trying to hard to talk to me?
betsie (19:11:37): if you didn't want to talk to me, why contact me in the first place? you complained about people messaging you and not chatting, but that's what you're doing to me
betsie (19:13:14): and i didn't say you're boring. uncommunicative, yes
some bloke (19:13:27): i am quite sorry
betsie (19:13:40): what for?
some bloke (19:14:00): you seem upset
betsie (19:14:14): frustrated
betsie (19:14:23): and not in a good way
some bloke (19:14:39): thats why i am sorry i don't want to frustrate you
betsie (19:14:54): then talk to me. i don't bite
some bloke (19:15:05): but your upset
betsie (19:15:34): tell me something about yourself
betsie (19:16:10): or ask me something if you prefer
some bloke (19:16:46): i am sure you get sick of hearing this all the time but your quite lovely, very beautiful
betsie (19:17:17): not something you tire of
some bloke (19:17:42): alot of girls these days loathe compliments
betsie (19:18:06): to those with slef-esteem issues it can be reassuring
betsie (19:18:13): self, even
some bloke (19:18:37): i adore your glasses
betsie (19:19:07): dorothy parker had a point
betsie (19:20:16): "men seldom make passes, at girls who wear glasses"
so you wonder around half blind instead, till you cease to care what other people think and go with your own ideas instead...
some bloke (19:20:52): i thought alot of guys liked glasses on girls
some bloke (19:20:57): i adore them
betsie (19:22:04): i think it's the quiet shy types who like 'em. and they're usually lurking in a corner somewhere being quiet
some bloke (19:22:39): you think i am some kind of freak stalker type?
betsie (19:23:03): no, i think you're quiet.
betsie (19:24:22): the lurking is cos they don't want to talk, not because they're plotting their next stakeout. or at least i hope it isn't :-O
some bloke (19:25:11): i am really a nice guy
betsie (19:25:36): so tell me about your band
some bloke (19:26:39): are you sure its safe? i mean i don't want to give the impression i am plotting my next stakeout
betsie (19:28:00): i'll hit you with a big stick if i see you hiding in the bushes, so go ahead...
some bloke (19:29:09): i am not a bad person at all
betsie (19:29:29): maybe i'm the stalker, who knows?
betsie (19:29:50): ha, i'll never hear from you again now...
betsie (19:30:00): i'm not. honest.
some bloke (19:30:25): i could only wish i had a stalker that was as beautiful as you
betsie (19:31:23): i always wanted my own stalker, but them i'm a bit insane, so what would i know?
some bloke (19:32:04): the problem with stalkers is they are fat or smelly :)
betsie (19:32:53): that would be the problem, you'd really have to be able to vet them first
betsie (19:34:25): maybe i should set up a website advertising the post, and choose one i liked the look of
some bloke (19:34:35): do you know how difficult it is to find a girl who likes old black and white films let alone someone who loves silent films?
some bloke (19:35:39): why can't you live in America?
some bloke (19:35:50): :(
betsie (19:35:53): i was brought up on old films. while everyone else was out i was parked in front of the tv immersed in an alternate world
betsie (19:36:50): at least over there tcm shows loads of silent films, and there's a lot more stuff available to buy as well. we're a bit deprived over here, it's most unfair
some bloke (19:37:34): indeed you are correct but its America and it sucks here we are losers
some bloke (19:37:41): but TCM rules
betsie (19:38:16): i'm afraid to ask, but you're not a dubya fan are you?
some bloke (19:38:24): do you know how cool it would be to have a girl to talk film with?
some bloke (19:38:27): what?
some bloke (19:38:59): ok i am confused
some bloke (19:39:03): i thought we were making progress
some bloke (19:39:22): what the hell is dubya?
betsie (19:40:03): george w bush. you know, that president chap you lot seem to vote for for unknown reasons
betsie (19:41:48): i've had conversations with people who seemed perfectly sane, till it turned out they apparently thought that he wasn't the devil incarnate, it can be a bit disconcerting...
betsie (19:44:41): oh no, it's gone all quiet...
some bloke (19:52:17): :(
betsie (19:52:56): oh good, you're still there
betsie (19:55:25): thought i might have scared you off
some bloke (19:55:56): well i am very confused
betsie (19:56:13): what about?
some bloke (19:56:49): what the hell is dubya?
some bloke (19:57:13): i like dub music
betsie (19:57:41): i said. up there.
betsie (19:58:40): george w bush - w= double u= dubya. does he not get called that over there?
some bloke (19:59:26): never heard of the term
betsie (20:01:39): ah, sorry to confuse you then! think it started as a way to differentiate between him and his dad, so people would know which one was being talked about. i might try to find out know coined the term now, i've piqued my interest
some bloke (20:12:57): hello
betsie (20:14:52): my connection went, back again now
some bloke (20:15:04): why are you ignoring me?
betsie (20:16:17): the joys of a dial-up internet connection...
some bloke (20:16:49): do you want to chat?
betsie (20:17:10): well that's why i'm here
betsie (20:17:37): chat away
some bloke (20:18:51): you seem busy
betsie (20:19:33): as previously stated, my connection went, and now it's back
betsie (20:20:00): so what do you want to talk about
some bloke (20:20:35): ok i am lost again
betsie (20:21:48): my may have missed a post from you when i was disconnected
betsie (20:22:20): I may... my typing isn't great, as you may have noticed...
betsie (20:23:43): did you say something that you were waiting on me to reply to? if so, i didn't receive it
some bloke (20:24:42): no i am just confused
betsie (20:26:11): what are you confused about?
betsie (20:27:42): hello?
some bloke (20:30:30): after you got back from being booted, there was a long silence , so i asked if you were busy and you seemed to get rude and said "as previously stated my connection went"
betsie (20:31:27): i posted as soon as i got back on
betsie (20:33:21): i sent 4 messages before you asked if i was busy, if we're being pedantic....

anyway, back to the matter in hand, what do you want to talk about?
some bloke (20:35:58): sorry if i said something wrong
betsie (20:37:02): sorry if i did
some bloke (20:38:36): i know if we could get past this we would get along quite well
betsie (20:40:12): you mean you don't want to just carry on with confusions and mix-ups? strange that...
some bloke (20:41:27): ok
betsie (20:42:18): so anyway...
betsie (20:42:38): what would you like to talk about?
some bloke (20:46:11): um after that last comment perhaps i should leave you alone
betsie (20:47:25): i was trying to be funny
some bloke (20:48:24): i had thought we were making progress
betsie (20:49:27): it is advisable not to take me too seriously, i have a dry sense of humour and this is reflected in my writing. it doesn't seem to be coming across as that to you, but maybe that's just because you didn't know that's what it was
betsie (20:50:59): still talking to me, or have i mortally offended you?
some bloke (20:51:53): i am not offended at all
some bloke (20:52:14): i rather like you actually
betsie (20:54:28): glad to hear it, apparently i can be an acquired taste
some bloke (20:56:17): i seem boring to you
betsie (20:58:13): trust me, if you just seemed dull i'd have abandoned ship long ago
betsie (20:59:14): don't put yourself down so much
some bloke (21:02:21): :)
betsie (21:02:31): how old are you by the way?
some bloke (21:03:44): 33 do i seem immature to you?
betsie (21:05:53): i wouldn't say immature... you seem quite ready to take offence, as if you expect to be receiving it. i used to be a bit like that, i had to teach myslef not to assume i was being insulted when i wasn't. not sure if that makes sense....
betsie (21:08:49): do you think you are immature?
betsie (21:10:02): i wasn't asking your age because you sounded young, i just like to have some idea who i'm talking to, that was all
some bloke (21:10:33): it is quite easily to missunderstand something, or take something the wrong way
some bloke (21:10:50): on here
betsie (21:11:46): so is there anything you want to ask me?
some bloke (21:12:50): i don't know i was enjoying your company, and it seems like there is friction
betsie (21:13:15): there doesn't seem any to me
some bloke (21:13:57): is this pic you?
betsie (21:14:38): yes, i get bored looking at the same pic of myslef, so i swap them around a fair bit
some bloke (21:15:14): i am so floored by your beauty
some bloke (21:15:40): i could get lost in your eyes
betsie (21:16:16): the camera was being kind to me that day
some bloke (21:17:40): ravishing
betsie (21:17:53): my eyes are my favourite feature, after my brain. very squemish about them though, i'm hopeless when i get an eyelash in my eye, it's a bit pathetic
some bloke (21:18:46): silly girl your not pathetic
betsie (21:20:15): spending half an hour faffing about cos you can't bear to touch your own eyeball is a little silly. you should have seen me trying to take out contact lenses, took me forever
some bloke (21:20:47): your like me you can't stand to have something around your eye
some bloke (21:21:25): i like you
betsie (21:22:19): i don't know how people manage with contacts, all that hassle just so you don't have to have little panes of glass in front of you - too much like hard work for the likes of me
betsie (21:22:48): thank you :">
some bloke (21:23:31): i can't even watch someone put in a contact lens in
betsie (21:24:25): i hate it when people pull at their eyelids, as if it's funny or something, i have to look away
betsie (21:25:29): there's some singer over here who's bipolar and just tried a suicide attempt which included gouging his eye out - yeuch
some bloke (21:27:15): yuck
betsie (21:28:15): quite. not sure how he thought that would help him die either
some bloke (21:29:42): i would love to stay in touch and talk to you often
betsie (21:30:57): i tend to spend far too much time online, so i'll no doubt be around
betsie (21:33:44): betsie@anemailaddress.com, if you want to e-mail
some bloke (21:34:11): ah but do you wish to talk again
betsie (21:34:48): why wouldn't i?
some bloke (21:34:57): i don't email much i want your personal live company
betsie (21:36:12): well, there is this great big ocean thing kind of in the way of my actual presence...
betsie (21:37:09): virtual presence, on the other hand, is not a problem
some bloke (21:37:42): of course i know this
betsie (21:38:55): you never know, i might even find out something about you...
betsie (21:39:17): you're a bit of an enigma
some bloke (21:40:04): what? i am confused
betsie (21:40:25): or to put it another way, you don't say much
betsie (21:41:03): i'll have to cross-examine you
betsie (21:41:53): and then indulge in some armchair pyschology
betsie (21:42:28): or even psychology - i can spell, it's the typing that lets me down
some bloke (21:42:45): does it seem like i need help?
betsie (21:43:20): i'm just nosy, and like to delve into the mystery of other people's minds
betsie (21:44:47): i'm not exactly a shining beacon of mental stability, so i don't do judging others. and i wasn't implying anything
some bloke (21:46:10): i wonder what you think about me so far
betsie (21:46:59): i don't know. that's why i want to know more
some bloke (21:47:23): no thoughts at all?
betsie (21:47:33): i don't have a lot to go on as yet
betsie (21:48:15): you're very reticent, you don't like to open yourself up to others, very sensitive. that's about it as yet
betsie (21:49:51): if i was to go for some wider implactions, i would say that you may have been hury in the past, and feel the need to protect yourself from public strutiny to prevent a reoccurence. but that's probably complete crap
betsie (21:50:40): damn fingers, that would be implications, and hurt
betsie (21:51:53): so am i talking utter bollocks then?
betsie (21:53:05): go on, talk to me
some bloke (21:54:26): i am not a bad person i assure you
betsie (21:56:48): i didn't say you were, and nothing in my going-on-not-much analysis says bad person. if you think it does, then you are incorrect. i'm getting definite signs of self-esteem issues, i'd stake money on that one
betsie (22:02:41): for the record, i've been away from work for nearly two years with depression, and have suffered with it my entire adult life, i've always been a social misfit, i can be awkward and stubborn, i'm moody and can be too snappy with loved ones.
i also know that none of the above makes me a bad person, it just means i'm a regular human being with certain characteristics.
I don't judge others, and any observations i make are just that, not criticisms. assuming you're not a murderer or a child molester, i probably won't think you're a bad person. and even if you were, i'd still probably manage to empathize.

so don't worry about seeming like a bad person to me, it takes a hell of a lot to achieve that
betsie (22:10:02): still there?
some bloke (22:11:20): :)
betsie (22:12:25): thought you might have run away
some bloke (22:16:10): i just thought you was insulting me
betsie (22:17:37): i hope that's a joke

some bloke (22:38:13): :(
some bloke (22:39:44): hello
some bloke (22:40:21): :(
some bloke (22:40:48): are you there?
betsie (22:41:23): yep
some bloke (22:42:48): why was you ignoring me?
betsie (22:43:08): you weren't saying anything
some bloke (22:44:36): do you wish to talk to me at all?
betsie (22:45:25): i've been trying to, you don't say a lot in return
betsie (22:47:39): if you want me to talk to you, you'll have to join in. i can't talk to myself
some bloke (22:48:19): ok do you ever want to talk to me again, or should i just take you off my list?
some bloke (22:48:32): i thought we was hitting it off well at first
some bloke (22:48:44): i am really interested in getting to know you
betsie (22:49:04): rather than asking me again if i want to talk to you, why don't you try actually talking?
some bloke (22:49:40): ok sorry to bother you
betsie (22:50:26): oh, for heavens sake, don't go flying off into a huff again, that's why this is going nowhere
some bloke (22:51:11): look i just wanted to get to know you but all you seem to do is play doctor and it seems like you insult me
some bloke (22:51:26): its quite simple either you want to talk or you don't
some bloke (22:51:32): i am very interested in you
some bloke (22:52:04): there are things i wanted to disscuss with you but you seem to think i am full of issues
betsie (22:52:40): say something that doesn't involve asking me if i want to talk to you. tell me something about yourself, what you like, what you don't like, or ask me something. it's called a conversation, and you seem to be trying to avoid actually having one
betsie (22:53:08): so waht do you want to discuss with me? you haven't told me.
some bloke (22:53:47): i simply wanted to get to know you but its pointless if your just going to get upset and complain about me
betsie (22:54:25): what do you want to know about me? you haven't actually asked me anything, it helps if you do
some bloke (22:54:36): i had things i was ready to disscuss but the damn phone kept ringing off the hook and then you started acting like i was a terrible person with lots of issues
betsie (22:55:19): what do you want to discuss?
some bloke (22:56:38): i just thought we was getting along so well at the begining of the conversation and i thought we was really hitting it off and now you seem so hostile and frustrated
some bloke (22:56:48): i feel bad
betsie (22:57:00): what do you want to discuss?
some bloke (22:57:26): anything that will make you happy music,film,art
betsie (22:58:04): what do you want to discuss?
some bloke (22:58:48): something that will make you smile
betsie (22:59:53): just choose something
some bloke (23:00:52): how come there are not alot of popular Irish film makers?
some bloke (23:01:17): of course perhaps its simply that i have not heard of them
betsie (23:01:23): it's a small country with a small industry
betsie (23:02:30): doesn't have the facilities to support it's home-grown film-makers, so they end up elsewhere, c.f. neil jordan, works in uk and usa
some bloke (23:02:51): what does your country think of U2?
betsie (23:04:04): my country as a whole doesn't have an opinion, i personally think they are overblown shit, and bono disappeared up his sanctimonious arsehole years ago
betsie (23:04:33): i'm not a fan
some bloke (23:05:07): i ask because alot of time the country or state that a band is from doesn't always like them when the rest of the world is crazy about them
betsie (23:05:43): well they're irish, so they're not exactly from here anyway
some bloke (23:06:00): isn't Lynne Ramsey from there?
betsie (23:06:15): she's scottish
some bloke (23:06:36): sorry if i am boring you
betsie (23:06:55): we have a fairly healthy artistic community, all things considered
some bloke (23:06:59): do you like her work?
betsie (23:07:53): only seen ratcatcher, wasn't that fussed onit really. i can see that it's good, but it didn't really speak to me, if you know what i mean
some bloke (23:08:11): indeed i do
some bloke (23:08:18): i felt the same way
some bloke (23:08:30): try Morvern Callar
betsie (23:08:47): i liked the book
some bloke (23:09:25): do you have a fav director?
betsie (23:10:08): living? in all time, it'd probably have to be hitchcock
some bloke (23:10:55): have a fav Hitchcock film?
some bloke (23:11:04): wait
some bloke (23:11:12): there is no one give me 3
betsie (23:11:22): vertigo. my second favourite film of all time
some bloke (23:11:44): you think Vertigo is perfect?
some bloke (23:12:55): what would your first fav film be?
some bloke (23:13:19): are my questions annoying you?
betsie (23:13:29): other two: rear window, strangers on a train. with honourable mentions for shadow of a doubt, north by northwest, and notorious
betsie (23:14:14): no film with kim novak in it could ever be perfect. though she works in that role. i don't know if there is such a thing as a perfect film
betsie (23:14:42): my all-time fave film is the philadelphia story
betsie (23:15:31): only gotten as far as my top two films, after that the positions change, and i always forget titles that should be included
some bloke (23:17:59): i used the word perfect because alot of people feel it is perfect
betsie (23:20:38): not even sure how you define a perfect film. does it rely on the viewer's perception of it, does it rely on the performances, cinematography etc, is it perfect if it compleltely captures the director's vision of how it should be?
some bloke (23:21:16): i agree no film is perfect but there are some that come close
some bloke (23:21:24): i hate computers
some bloke (23:21:40): you can't tell what someone is thinking, or feeling
some bloke (23:21:55): so easy to missunderstand or take something the wrong way
betsie (23:22:58): you can't tell what someone is thinking if they're standing right in front of you either, so don't spend so much time thinking about it.
so what films come close to perfection for you?
some bloke (23:23:11): i can't tell if your still upset or not and i wish i knew what your were thinking
betsie (23:23:46): i wasn't upset, that was your perception. move on from it
betsie (23:24:11): i don't care what i'm thinking, so why should you?
some bloke (23:24:23): well you don't seem to be in as good of a mood as you seemed to be earlier
betsie (23:24:30): back to films....
betsie (23:25:13): stop asking about what i'm thinking and i'll be just fine
betsie (23:25:26): back to films...



Can't say I didn't try...