A world of stupid

Some metatarsals, yesterday

You've got to love the English media: in the space of a few days they've gone from "England have a great football team, we've a great chance of winning the World Cup" to "Oh no! One of our players is injured! The end is nigh! We'll never win with those other no-hopers!"

Make up your minds, folks, either the team is more than one player, or you've been talking rot all this time. It's all rather amusing from a Scottish perspective, naturally.

The award for Most Idiotic Paedophiles must surely go to this lot:

Four men who wrote their mobile phone numbers on train toilet doors to try to attract young girls have pleaded guilty to a number of sexual offences.

...

Police said officers from Sussex, West Mercia and Northumbria forces, alongside British Transport Police, conducted a 10-month investigation into the paedophile ring.

The inquiry found that eight young girls, aged between seven and 13, had been subjected to "horrific" abuse.

And at an early stage in the inquiry, a local reporter posed as an 11-year-old girl to answer one of the graffiti adverts.

A message reading "girls, 8 to 13, wanted for sex" had appeared on the toilet doors of more than 20 trains, mostly in the Sussex area.

There's no way they could have predicted that graffiti on public transport would be seen by members of the public. Who might then pass on the information to the police. Who would then be able to contact them and set up a sting. Nope, a completely foolproof plan.

But then, some people pay good money for such stunning advice. Take for instance Marks and Spencer, or "Your M&S" as they may be known in future. Why waste time changing the merchandise available in the stores when a simple re-brand could take up all the available cash instead? Have they never heard of Consignia?

Prescott in rare "no hands up skirt" pose

It's difficult to tell who looks the most ridiculous in the whole John Prescott affair fiasco - Prescott himself for thinking he could get away with it or the mousy mistress for thinking that sleeping with the Deputy Prime Minister was in any way a good idea.

Neither of them emerges with any credit, Tracy Temple's trembling lip as she claimed to have been "betrayed" (no, that was his wife, you were party to the betrayal dear), and Prescott threatening to go to the Press Complaints Commission. Here's a hint for you John - if you do that, they'll keep on digging. Shut up and it might just go away...

The Great British Public can be a bit silly too, or at least the ones who take part in radio station polls. For instance, to find the most popular British music artist of all time. Here's the top ten:

1. Will Young
2. Robbie Williams
3. Paul McCartney
4. The Spice Girls
5. Coldplay
6. Sugababes
7. Take That
8. Gorillaz
9. Oasis
10. Beverley Knight

That's Most Popular OF ALL TIME.

Words fail me.