There's this reality TV show called Big Brother. And it starts tonight. And I'm watching. Right now. Shock horror.
And what you all want to know, of course, is my first thoughts about the housemates. Quiet at the back there, you do so.
Bonnie - In intro video, she comes across as Lesley (BB6) mark two, quite arrogant and convinced of own general wonderfulness. In person, seems quite anxious and shy, but then so did Lesley on the first night last year, so we'll see.
Pete - Lee Evans on crack. Tourettes sufferer. Hey, let's mock the ill! What japes!
George - Token posh totty. Claims links to royalty. To the internet, oh researcher types!
Shahbaz - Scottish self-proclaimed "Paki Poof". Very outgoing so far in the house, the first to greet everyone after him. I like him so far.
Lea - Rank, plastic old mutton dressed as vacant tarty lamb. Claims to be 35. Add another 10 years and you might be closer.
Imogen - Reasonably pretty, girl-next-door type. Seems to think she's on an Isabella Rossellini level lookswise. In shades of the dodgy wannabe slapper from last year whose name has temporarily escaped me (oh the fickleness of fame, etc etc), she seems to think owning a vibrator makes her "kinky". No, the word you're looking for there is normal dear...
Mikey - Misogynist twat. No doubt under the impression that the "ladeez" love him.
Dawn - Miserable cow. In her intro, comes across as though she's a character in Mike Leigh's Naked. And yet, apparently thinks Mother Teresa and Bob Geldof are "good people", so clearly not quite cynical enough.
Glyn - Scrawny git. No other distinguishing features to speak of as yet.
Richard - "Sexual terrorist". Uh-huh. Gay Canadian. Walking stereotype. Downright peculiar quote - "I'd seduce a corpse. God knows I've tried" - I don't think he meant to say that a dead man turned him down somehow... He's got Shahbaz excited though.
Grace - Spoiled little rich girl. So Tanya (BB4?) mark two then. Marvellous.
Lisa - She's "in your face". With her, "what you see is what you get". And no doubt if she doesn't like you she'll tell you straight to your face, and other Big Brother housemate cliches. How wacky.
Sezer - Twat with a stupid name. No, make that extra-super-twatty-twat.
Nikki - Footballer's wife wannabe. All she wants is a rich man and his credit card. What an inspiring example to young girls everywhere. She's "special" apparently. Silly little girl.
And that's them all. On first impressions, this lot seems slightly less deliberately-designed-to-annoy than last year's selection, but I'm sure they'll manage it all the same...
1 comment:
I haven't seen a great deal of it myself as yet, but enough to now say SHUT UP SHABHAZ AND STOP BLOODY CRYING!!
...and breathe....
There, that's better
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