Googlequest a go go

I've succumbed to the lure of the Da Vinci Code Google Quest

Okay, so the book was hokey trash*, based on ludicrous nonsense, but I do like a puzzle, and the worldwide success of Dan Brown's work of literary genius has spawned some entertaining online diversions.

First came the original Webquest courtesy of Random House publishers, then the follow-up, Uncover The Code. Both follow a similar rationale, incorporating "homepages" of the characters, code breaking, symbology, and so on. The also take longer to complete that the book takes to read, engaging rather more brain cells as they do...

Now the upcoming film adaptation has lead to a link-up by Google and Sony to create a new quiz. It's accessed via your personalised Google homepage, and the clues require the use of assorted Google features to solve. Or alternatively, you could just look at either Lazylaces or GoogleFact if you happen to get stuck. There's a new puzzle every day, presumably up until the film release date, with the lure of prizes to tempt people in.

There really ought to be more book/quiz crossovers - I for one would welcome our new literary puzzlemeister overlords...

* If you want a good book on a similar subject, give Foucault's Pendulum by Umberto Eco a try - though I should warn you, it can be quite tough work at times

Chernobyl, 20 years on

Chernobyl Legacy: a photo essay

Nuclear Nightmares: the story in pictures

Voices from Chernobyl

Chernobyl.info

Wildlife defies Chernobyl radiation

Chernobyl Children Lifeline

The body politic

The only surprise in the outcry over Patricia Hewitt's bizarre claim that the NHS has just had its best ever year is that it didn't happen earlier. After all, she made exactly the same claim weeks previously (in the interview I mentioned here) without the media at large seeming to pick up on it.

Maybe someone should point that out to Charles Clarke: it might salve his fears of a liberal media conspiracy to bring down New Labour. Of course if his department managed to avoid stupid mistakes like releasing foreign criminals recommended for deportation, maybe he wouldn't have such a problem.

Meanwhile, over on the other side of the house, David Cameron, while not boasting of his green credentials, is getting himself embroiled in spats with the BNP. A change from the campaign strategy of his party at the last election certainly, but apparently poorly timed for the English local elections.

The Lib Dems face a potential financial crisis as a prominent backer is charged with fraud, which makes a change from the personal pecadilloes of MPs being their biggest problem. And after the cynical hatchet job on Charles Kennedy, the party seems to be deciding that the new leader is a bit rubbish after all...

So with all the main parties seemingly trying their very hardest to alienate their core voters, what is the politically aware UK citizen to do? Well, if nothing else, we can always count our blessings that we don't live in the USA...

Creepy, creepy, creepy

"Purity Balls". Not at all weird. And no incestuous overtones whatsoever...

Teh internet is eee-villl!!!!!!!!!111

daily mail picnic

I guess I'll never be a nun then...

Your Results:
The top score on the list below represents the faith that Belief-O-Matic, in its less than infinite wisdom, thinks most closely matches your beliefs. However, even a score of 100% does not mean that your views are all shared by this faith, or vice versa.

Belief-O-Matic then lists another 26 faiths in order of how much they have in common with your professed beliefs. The higher a faith appears on this list, the more closely it aligns with your thinking.



1. Unitarian Universalism (100%)
2. Secular Humanism (91%)
3. Liberal Quakers (91%)
4. Mainline to Liberal Christian Protestants (90%)
5. Neo-Pagan (74%)
6. Theravada Buddhism (72%)
7. Nontheist (66%)
8. Bah�'� Faith (63%)
9. New Age (63%)
10. Reform Judaism (60%)
11. Taoism (53%)
12. Mahayana Buddhism (52%)
13. Christian Science (Church of Christ, Scientist) (50%)
14. New Thought (48%)
15. Orthodox Quaker (48%)
16. Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (Mormons) (44%)
17. Scientology (42%)
18. Mainline to Conservative Christian/Protestant (38%)
19. Jainism (34%)
20. Sikhism (32%)
21. Orthodox Judaism (31%)
22. Jehovah's Witness (29%)
23. Islam (26%)
24. Seventh Day Adventist (22%)
25. Hinduism (16%)
26. Eastern Orthodox (14%)
27. Roman Catholic (14%)

Say what?

The Daily Record, inspired by the highly dubious news that U2's One has apparently been voted the nation's favourite lyric in a poll by VH1 (I always knew the nation had dodgy taste) has published a list of what it considers the worst lyrics ever. It goes like so:

1. Now I'm a little shy I like to stay homeo' Shakespeare's my guy Julie and Romeo

BA Robertson, To Be Or Not To Be

2. Sit back, Rap attack, don't take no flack,
rhyme in time to the rhythm of the track.
I'm Ant, I'm Declan, a Duo, a Twosome,
So many lyrics we're frightened to use 'em.

PJ and Duncan (AKA Ant and Dec), Let's Get Ready To Rhumble

3. You say black I say white,
You say bark I say bite,
You say shark I say hey man,
Jaws was never my scene,
And I don't like Star Wars,

Queen, Bicycle Race

4. Desmond has a barrow in the market place,
Molly is the singer in a band.
Desmond says to Molly, girl I like your face,
And Molly says this as she takes him by the hand...
Obladi oblada, life goes on.

The Beatles, Ob-La-Di Ob-La-Da

5. It takes a little time sometimes, to get the Titanic turned back around.

Amy Grant, It Takes A Little Time

6. A Pizza Hut a Pizza Hut, Kentucky Fried Chicken and a Pizza Hut.
A Pizza Hut a Pizza Hut, Kentucky Fried Chicken and a Pizza Hut.
McDonald's McDonald's, Kentucky Fried Chicken and a Pizza Hut.

Fast Food Rockers, Fast Food Song

7. I'm as serious as cancer, When I say rhythm is a dancer.

Snap, Rhythm Is A Dancer

8. I walked through this place, although it wasn't really there.
And when I reached the other side, thought I didn't really care.
I moved round a bit, and started seeing people.
And the people that I met, oh were all covered in treacle.

UFO, Treacle People

9. Don't be fooled by the rocks that I got.
I'm still, I'm still Jenny from the block.
Used to have a little, now I have a lot.
No matter where I go, I know where I came from,
South-Side Bronx.

Jennifer Lopez, Jenny From The Block

10. I know I sound serious and baby I am.
You're a fine piece of real estate, and I'm gonna get me some land.

Shania Twain, I'm Gonna Getcha Good

11. I'm for real, it ain't no quirk,
My love is waiting the way a rapist would lurk.

Goldie Lookin' Chain, You Know I Loves You Baby

12. Now Sidney was a greaser with some nasty roots.
He poured a pint of Guinness over Benny's boots. Benny looked at Sidney,
Sidney stared right back in his eye.
Sidney chose a switchblade
And Benny got a cold meat pie.
Oh! what a terrible sight.

Emerson Lake and Palmer, Benny The Bouncer

13. Ebony and ivory live together in perfect harmony.
Side by side on my piano keyboard,
oh Lord, why don't we?

Paul McCartney and Stevie Wonder, Ebony And Ivory

14. More sacrifices than an aztec priest.
Standing here straining at that leash.
All fall down,
Can't complain,
Mustn't grumble,
Help yourself to another peace of apple crumble.

ABC, That Was Then But This Is Now

15. Did you see Lisa?
Yes I saw Lisa.
Is that why you're angry?
I wasn't angry.
Maybe a little.
Not even maybe.
Must be the weather.
Now don't be a baby.

Dean Friedman, Lucky Stars

16. And-a mama used to say all-a time:
What's-a matter you? Hey!
Gotta no respect.
What-a you t'ink you do?
Why you look-a so sad?
It's-a not so bad, it's-a nice-a place
Ahshaddap-a you face!

Joe Dolce, Shaddap You Face

17. You can tell my arms
Go back into the farm!
You can tell my feet to hit the floor.
You can tell my lips to tell my fingertips,
they won't be reaching out for you no more.
But don't tell my heart, my achy breaky heart.

Billy Ray Cyrus, Achy Breaky Heart

18. Lucky that my breasts are small and humble,
So you don't confuse them with mountains.

Shakira, Whenever, Wherever

19. Your boyfriend he,
Went down on one knee.
Well could it be,
He's only got one knee?

Morrissey, King Leer

20. I'm a make, make, make, make you scream'
Make u scream, make you scream.
Cos of my hump, my hump, my hump, my hump'
My hump, my hump, my hump, my lovely lady lumps. (Check it out)

Black Eyed Peas, My Humps

I'm not entirely sure how Des'ree's "Life" managed to escape their attention (I'm afraid of the dark, especially when I'm in a park/ And there's no one else around, ooh I get the shivers/ I don't wanna see a ghost, it's the sight that I fear most/I'd rather have a piece of toast, watch the evening news).

Any other nominees, folks?

Blasphemy! Blasphemy! They've all got it. - oh hang on...

The McPassion

Not so cross now then...

A crucifixion too far as TV stunt backfires

Goateed buffoon Dominik Diamond

DOMINIK Diamond, a Scottish television and radio presenter, yesterday broke down in tears and refused to be nailed to a wooden cross as part of a re- enactment of the Passion of Christ in the Philippines.

What was to be the culmination of a Channel Five documentary provisionally titled Crucify Me, charting the presenter's journey to rediscover his faith, ended when Diamond was unable to go through the ordeal, which involves four-inch nails piercing the hands and feet of devotees.

Although Diamond was to be the first western visitor to take part in the ritual, in which committed Christians in the small village of San Pedro Cutud mark Easter by recreating the events of Good Friday, the presenter backed out at the last minute and was instead filmed weeping as he pressed his head to the cross and prayed.

Seven Filipino devotees went ahead with the ceremony and were nailed to crosses in front of hundreds of spectators.

As part of his spiritual journey, Diamond, who was raised a Catholic and presents the breakfast show on the Scottish radio station Xfm, visited the Vatican and spent time at an austere Jesuit retreat in Italy in order to decide if he was strong enough to undertake the crucifixion ritual in the Philippines. Before his departure, he said world events and personal incidents had left him questioning his faith.

...

Prior to his departure, he said: "I'm hopeful that this journey will help resolve my crisis of faith. I've been making a living in the media now for 15 years, I'm in my mid-thirties and I've got three kids.

"So if you're going to make the first serious programme you've ever done, you might as well aim high. So I thought I'd try to find God. It's about time I did something that didn't involve cheap gags."

...

A spokesman for the Catholic Bishops' Conference of the Philippines cautioned that the traditions of flagellation and crucifixion during Holy Week trace their roots to animism and are not approved by the Church.

"They think that when they do that, they will receive blessings for the coming year. That is not a Christian idea," Monsignor Pedro Quitorio said. "If you have Christ in you, that's enough blessing. You don't need to duplicate what He did on the Cross."

The Church of Scotland had previously condemned Diamond's plans and said that he would be better off doing charity work.

Ooo-wah-oooooooooh

Saturday. 7.15pm. BBC1.
New Doctor Who.

Need I say more?

(no, but auntie beeb has lots of goodies to keep you amused here)

fu.nn.y

From here

Now you has....

Jazz hands!

Calling the new Mark Chapman

I'm not a big fan of the over-rated wife-beating hypocrite Lennon, but still...

Pete Doherty has claimed that he is "the new Lennon" as well as professing that he is his generation's most important rock star.

Gigwise.com reports that Doherty made his announcement to press after a Babyshambles show at a porn club in Austria.

The singer is quoting as saying: “The new Lennon — I like that. Honestly, I am the most important rock star now. And you will hear lots of great songs from me in the near future.”

Also on the cards seems to be a wedding to Kate Moss. "We are going to marry," Doherty promised. "It’s going to happen at a Scottish castle somewhere between September and November. A posh Scottish castle. That’s gonna be so cool.”

Twat.

We're so continental these days...

Finally Scotland has caught up with our sophisticated European chums - we've got bird flu too!

Who says you can't learn some interesting things on the internet?


Best not take everything at face value though....

Still better than Ing-ger-land will do, mind...

2ND PLACE FINALISTS You achieved 93% Cup success!

So near yet so far. You were so close to the glittering prize that is the greatest of all in football history � yet in the end it may have possibly boiled down to a matter of luck, which you may be sadly lacking. For all your skill, experience and sound judgment, certain events and factors are still beyond your control. Could it be a key player injured or sent off? Or perhaps a crucial refereeing decision that had (controversially?) gone against you? Such things happen in football (and all other sports as well), you can only stay strong and lift your head high. Regardless of the result, you should give yourself a pat on the back. In any contest, the truly deserving may not always run out as the winners.... Cold words of comfort though....

My test tracked 1 variable How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 97% on Cup success

Link: The Can You Win the World Cup? Test written by arcani on Ok Cupid, home of the 32-Type Dating Test

It's Educational (being stuck in bed with a cold)

I've largely been holed up in my beddy-byes since Wednesday, sniffing, sneezing, coughing, and informing the cat on a regular basis that "Ah'm nae weel!" It's been great so it has, drifting in and out of consciousness and exhausting my supply of paper hankies. On the plus side, though, the radio (yep, here we go again...) has provided me with numerous snippets of information. So I now proudly present:

Things I Have Learned While Being A Fluey Mess

1. The presenters on Five Live's Drive show have a decidedly irreverent attitude to the news and the usual interview suspects. This is a Good Thing.



2. Patricia Hewitt seems to be morphing into Margaret Thatcher. She has the "patronisingly talk down to everyone" thing down to a tee, and the too-soft and too-low voice register is coming along nicely. And hearing her finish off an interview on NHS cutbacks - sorry, restructuring - by thanking all the hard-working underappreciated staff is more than a sickly soul can take.
   



3. I'm not usually the kind of grown-up who reads kids' books, but I might make an exception for this one - Endymion Spring by Matthew Skelton - having heard the author on Simon Mayo's show last Thursday (if you want to hear for yourself, you can always download it) my interest has now been piqued, largely due to the refreshing lack of cynicism on the author's part.



4. Apparently human saliva contains silicon, and thus "spit and polish" is a good idea for shoe cleaning. Well whaddaya know?



5. The G8 debt cancellation is having at least one positive effect, as Zambia is now diverting the saved cash towards providing free healthcare.



6. In addition to his eternal love for The Exorcist, god-bothering, fifties throwback film reviewer Mark Kermode is also now defending the Basic Instinct sequel. Jesus wept...



7. Listening to Raymond Chandler's Philip Marlowe stories on the radio is an absolute joy, leaving me longing to read them all and wallow in that glorious use of the English language. And a sly dig at Ernest Hemingway in the Farewell My Lovely adaptation only endeared him to me even more (I suffered through The Old Man and the Sea, and I've been holding a grudge ever since. He's also one of the few subjects where I part company with the normally spot-on Dorothy Parker; her adoration of the man is lost on me).

Maybe I should be ill more often, it's not so bad really...

Oops....

Iraq? Turkey? Ah, who cares, they're all Ay-rabs anyway... | MetaFilter

Wrapped Up In Books

If you happen to be in a mood for some reading, may I humbly recommend two ebook collections:

Manybooks.net has a fine range of texts, with handy previews to give you an idea of what you're getting. There's the option of assorted download formats, for those of you with fancy gadgetry. Here are a few examples of the titles available on the site.

• In Defense of Women - H.L. Mencken
  
  

  A man's women folk, whatever their outward show of respect for his merit and authority, always regard him secretly as an ass, and with something akin to pity. His most gaudy sayings and doings seldom deceive them; they see the actual man within, and know him for a shallow and pathetic fellow. In this fact, perhaps, lies one of the best proofs of feminine intelligence, or, as the common phrase makes it, feminine intuition. The mark of the so-called intuition is simply a sharp and accurate perception of reality, an habitual immunity to emotional enchantment, a relentless capacity for distinguishing between the appearance and the substance. The appearance, in the normal family circle, is a hero, magnifico, a demigod. The substance is a poor mountebank.

  
  


• Hold Up Your Heads, Girls! - Annie H Ryder, 1886
  
  

  Do not be afraid of useful fancy work. One can rest delightfully while making a row on an afghan, or knitting on a bed slipper. I always pity a boy who never seems to have any way of occupying himself while he rests. He whistles, puffs a cigarette, perhaps, or whittles away at the window-seat. Girls have no need of being lazy while they rest. They certainly will not sit in lawless indifference if they know the blueness of discontent. Cheerful people are workers; and, when they find any tendency to go "mooning" over their tasks, they shake themselves into broad daylight.

  
  
  


• A Parody Outline of History - Donald Ogden Stewart
  
  The Courtship of Miles Standish - in the manner of F Scott Fitzgerald
  
  

  This story occurs under the blue skies and bluer laws of Puritan New England, in the days when religion was still taken seriously by a great many people, and in the town of Plymouth where the "Mayflower", having ploughed its platitudinous way from Holland, had landed its precious cargo of pious Right Thinkers, moral gentlemen of God, and - Priscilla.
  
  Priscilla was - well Priscilla had yellow hair. In a later generation, in a 1921 June, if she had toddled by at a country club dance you would have noticed first of all that glorious mass of bobbed corn-colored locks. You would then, perhaps, have glanced idly at her face, and suddenly said "Oh my gosh!" The next moment you would have clutched the nearest stag and hissed "Quick-yellow hair-silver dress-oh Judas!" You would then have been introduced and after dancing nine feet you would have been cut in on by another panting stag.

  
  

Blackmask Online also has a wide selection, complete with descriptions and reviews of the well-categorized titles, a positive boon to the uncertain consumer. It's also home to a fine collection of pulp fiction - finally, a chance to see the stories behind the delightfully lurid cover art...

For those quaint old-fashioned souls who prefer an actual book when you're reading, you could do worse than head to What Should I Read Next? if inspiration temporarily deserts you.

Vindicated at last

I've been saying it for years, but now it seems it's official: historians say Inquisition wasn't that bad

For centuries people were burned at the stake, stretched to death or otherwise tortured for failing to be Roman Catholic. But, if research released by the Vatican is right, the Inquisition was not as bad as one might think.

According to the documents from Vatican archives relating to the trials of Jews, Muslims, Cathars, witches, scientists and other non-Catholics in Europe between the 13th and the 19th centuries, the number actually killed or tortured into confession during the Inquisition was far fewer than previously thought.

Ever since I did a project on the subject at university many moons ago, I've been defending the Spanish Inquisition against its bad reputation. Those investigated in Catholic countries in Europe had a far better chance of survival than in the newly Protestant nations, where hysteria may have been linked in some way to the insecurity of a newly established religious system.

In Italy and Spain, a more likely punishment was to be made to parade in front of the church on a Sunday while holding a sign outlining the offender's heretical status, punishments designed more to shame the guilty party into rejoining the church community than to cast them out altogether.

The British and Germanic states were about the worst places to face accusation of witchcraft, with greater use of torture to extract a confession, and harsher punishments for people found guilty.

Of course, these inaccurate perceptions are all the fault of a bunch of comedians. Those naughty Monty Python boys have a lot to answer for, what with their duck's weight theories, and graphic use of cushion torture...