Tuesday, October 31, 2006
Beautifully Put
A review of the smug annoying presence that is Ray from the X Factor, courtesy of Talent in a Previous Life:
There's no arguing with that really, is there?
"This week is my week", he proclaimed smugly, as he slurred and mumbled his way through Ain't That a Kick in the Head with all the charm and grace of a tramp whose head kick has arrived thanks mainly to downing half a crate of babycham. Perhaps the problem was that he couldn't connect well enough with the song, maybe not understanding fully what a kick in the head would actually feel like. We urge anyone who passes him in the street to help him out by demonstrating to him exactly what it feels like. Feel free to do it as many times as you like if you don't feel he's quite got it yet.
There's no arguing with that really, is there?
Wednesday, October 25, 2006
Those wacky Russians..
Feeling down? Planning to end it all? Well stop right there, for the marvellous scientists of Siberia have the answer to your problems - all you need is a good whipping
Or, you know, you could go for a walk, that should get the endorphins going too...
"The absence of the will to live is caused with decreasing production of endorphins - the substance, which is known as the hormone of happiness. If a depressed individual receives a physical punishment, whipping that is, it will stir up endorphin receptors, activate the “production of happiness” and eventually remove depressive feelings."
Or, you know, you could go for a walk, that should get the endorphins going too...
Monday, October 23, 2006
Saturday, October 21, 2006
Sunday, October 15, 2006
I WILL become my mother...
OKCupid! The Would You Be A Great Avon Rep Test
Wahoo!!
You scored 79% greatness!
You rock, would be a great rep, and would probably have a blast doing it. There's no sense in selling something if you don't have fun, but I think you'd have great fun! Congrats on your greatness! :)
Well, that's handy, I apparently have the ability to follow in my mother's footsteps and flog toiletries to unsuspecting suburban housewives...
My maternal unit was an Avon Lady (I suspect they're less gender-specific these days) in the early 1980s, and my youthful make-up experiments were carried out utilising tiny lipstick samples and horrendous cream blusher sticks*.
Come to think of it, mother dearest still had some of her old samples kicking about in her bathroom last time I looked, together with her "hotel room toiletries of the world" collection, and stuff I left behind 6 years ago - the saying "it might come in handy" has a positively religious status with her.
There was also an Avon song at that time, which was issued on a red flexi-disk. Unfortunately I can't remember the words or tune, and it went mysteriously missing some years ago. Boo hiss.
*I also had some of the delightful Toyah make-up range, which retailed through the What Everyone Wants chain, and mainly seemed to feature the colour purple. No, not the book. I often wondered if Ms Wilcox actually had anything to do with it, or whether it was all a dreadful con. It's A Mystery indeed...
Wahoo!!
You scored 79% greatness!
You rock, would be a great rep, and would probably have a blast doing it. There's no sense in selling something if you don't have fun, but I think you'd have great fun! Congrats on your greatness! :)
My test tracked 1 variable How you compared to other people your age and gender:
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| Link: The Would You Be A Great Avon Rep Test written by kittybaby on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the The Dating Persona Test |
Well, that's handy, I apparently have the ability to follow in my mother's footsteps and flog toiletries to unsuspecting suburban housewives...
My maternal unit was an Avon Lady (I suspect they're less gender-specific these days) in the early 1980s, and my youthful make-up experiments were carried out utilising tiny lipstick samples and horrendous cream blusher sticks*.
Come to think of it, mother dearest still had some of her old samples kicking about in her bathroom last time I looked, together with her "hotel room toiletries of the world" collection, and stuff I left behind 6 years ago - the saying "it might come in handy" has a positively religious status with her.
There was also an Avon song at that time, which was issued on a red flexi-disk. Unfortunately I can't remember the words or tune, and it went mysteriously missing some years ago. Boo hiss.
*I also had some of the delightful Toyah make-up range, which retailed through the What Everyone Wants chain, and mainly seemed to feature the colour purple. No, not the book. I often wondered if Ms Wilcox actually had anything to do with it, or whether it was all a dreadful con. It's A Mystery indeed...
Thursday, October 12, 2006
A snippet from the radio
The Scottish National Party are in the middle of their national conference at Perth Concert Hall. It sounds like a exciting event - according to a news report on Radio Scotland, one of the delegates accompanied a speech with a "thrilling Powerpoint presentation". Well I never...
Wednesday, October 11, 2006
Super Soaraway Pun
Thursday, October 05, 2006
once more with feeling
How I suffer for you, dear readers. There I was last night, happily typing away, putting together words, links and pretty pictures to make up a new post when, several hours into the procedure, the blimmin' computer throws a tantrum, and my browser crashed. And I can't even blame Bill Gates, what with it being Firefox and all. I'm semi-convinced the PC can tell when I'm writing something that I've neglected to save, and does it all just to spite me. But never mind, what follows is a cobbled together version of what that post would have been....
The scenario is thus: despite being financially embarrassed I spent a whole ten pounds on some DVDs from a local Bargain Books store. The fabulous three for a tenner offer still left a lot of decision-making to do, as the selection included the following titles.
The Giant Gila Monster
A horrific tale of a giant lizard-like creature terrorising a small town. Cutting edge special effects really bring home the terror of the tale, as this review shows:
Also available was the same director's The Killer Shrews, the titular monsters played by dogs dressed up in carpet cut-offs, and the Roger Corman produced Attack of the Giant Leeches.
Mr Wong in Chinatown
Leaving the monsters behind, a fine selection of detective movies also put in an appearance. There were a few of Boris Karloff's Mr Wong films (yes of course a British actor can play a Chinese-American character, it's 1939! Some make-up here, some tape there - what do you mean it's racist... If it's any consolation, by the end of the series our hero was being played by Keye Luke, perhaps best known to you as Charlie Chan's number one son. Or perhaps not, your mileage may vary)
Naturally, Sherlock Holmes, in the form of the marvellous Basil Rathbone, was available, both in single DVDs and in a box-set, and a Warren-Beatty-and-Madonna-less Dick Tracy was quite tempting...
Gorilla Nabonga
But who needs a detective when you've got a gorilla? And not just any gorilla, but one played by Ray "Crash" Corrigan, fondly remembered, by me at least, for the serial Undersea Kingdom? It gets even better - the star is Larry "Buster" Crabbe, famous for playing Tarzan, Flash Gordon, AND Buck Rogers! Exciting, no? But having said that, the film itself appears to be the standard jungle romp, and once you've seen one action hero wrestle with a toy lion, you've seen them all really...
The Ape Man
No, if a gorilla movie is to pass muster, it needs another important feature too - the mad scientist. If possible the deranged anti-hero should be played by a down-on-his-luck legend of Hollywood horror like, say, Bela Lugosi. By 1943, the silver screen's first Dracula (if you don't count Max Schreck in Nosferatu, that is) was reduced to parodying his earlier successes in low-budget features for the likes of Monogram Studios. Worse was still to come for Lugosi, but as this review at 1000 Misspent Hours and Counting puts it:
Unlikely as it sounds, The Ape Man wasn't the best gorilla film on offer. It wasn't even the best mad scientist with a gorilla movie. And even more specific, it was trumped on the "mad scientist starts killing people to get access to human spinal fluid, utilising a gorilla to do so" stakes. Now what were the chances? The Ape appeared three years before The Ape Man, and stars Boris Karloff. Even in his lowliest features, Karloff always somehow brought a quiet dignity to his parts, so that alone would have elevated this film over the competition in my eyes. And as an extra bonus, the gorilla is once again portrayed by Ray Corrigan
The Secret Agent
This one was pretty much a no-brainer. 1. It's Hitchcock 2. I didn't already have it, and, indeed, haven't even seen it. 3.It's Hitch does spies! See also The 39 Steps for why this is a Good Thing 4. Peter Lorre is in it. Possibly my very favourite screen villain (undoubtedly my favourite portrayer of a German child-killer), Lorre is never anything less than mesmerising on screen.
Keystone Comedies
A selection of short films from Mack Sennett's studio, starring two of the premier comedic talents of the teens, Roscoe Arbuckle and Mabel Normand. I still haven't seen any of Mabel's films, so this should help get me on track a little more. As is often the way these days, we know more about the lives of the silent stars than we (in most cases) have the opportunity to view their work. Arbuckle is perhaps served the worst of all by this - nowadays his name is mainly remembered in relation to a trumped up charge of which he was wholly innocent, but thanks to the likes of a certain Mr Anger, gossip and rumour has more life than do the facts.
Woo! Extras!
Stop the presses, I bought some more. My sources told me to check out a secret chamber deep within a local DVD rental store, whereupon untold treasure would thrill and delight me... or something like that, anyway. So, for the bargain sum of £1.99, I am now the proud owner of a 3-film disc with Roger Corman's A Bucket of Blood (described here as "a crazy comedic beatnik slasher flick" - sold to the lady in the hat!), Vincent Price and his moustache hamming it up in House on Haunted Hill, and Mr Karloff once more in the long-thought-lost The Ghoul.
Ooh, spooky....
The scenario is thus: despite being financially embarrassed I spent a whole ten pounds on some DVDs from a local Bargain Books store. The fabulous three for a tenner offer still left a lot of decision-making to do, as the selection included the following titles.
The Giant Gila Monster
A horrific tale of a giant lizard-like creature terrorising a small town. Cutting edge special effects really bring home the terror of the tale, as this review shows:
This is accomplished by showing the person, then the normal sized lizard on a scale model table, then the person screaming, and finally a clawed foot descending on the camera.
Also available was the same director's The Killer Shrews, the titular monsters played by dogs dressed up in carpet cut-offs, and the Roger Corman produced Attack of the Giant Leeches.
Mr Wong in Chinatown
Leaving the monsters behind, a fine selection of detective movies also put in an appearance. There were a few of Boris Karloff's Mr Wong films (yes of course a British actor can play a Chinese-American character, it's 1939! Some make-up here, some tape there - what do you mean it's racist... If it's any consolation, by the end of the series our hero was being played by Keye Luke, perhaps best known to you as Charlie Chan's number one son. Or perhaps not, your mileage may vary)
Naturally, Sherlock Holmes, in the form of the marvellous Basil Rathbone, was available, both in single DVDs and in a box-set, and a Warren-Beatty-and-Madonna-less Dick Tracy was quite tempting...
Gorilla Nabonga
But who needs a detective when you've got a gorilla? And not just any gorilla, but one played by Ray "Crash" Corrigan, fondly remembered, by me at least, for the serial Undersea Kingdom? It gets even better - the star is Larry "Buster" Crabbe, famous for playing Tarzan, Flash Gordon, AND Buck Rogers! Exciting, no? But having said that, the film itself appears to be the standard jungle romp, and once you've seen one action hero wrestle with a toy lion, you've seen them all really...
The Ape Man
No, if a gorilla movie is to pass muster, it needs another important feature too - the mad scientist. If possible the deranged anti-hero should be played by a down-on-his-luck legend of Hollywood horror like, say, Bela Lugosi. By 1943, the silver screen's first Dracula (if you don't count Max Schreck in Nosferatu, that is) was reduced to parodying his earlier successes in low-budget features for the likes of Monogram Studios. Worse was still to come for Lugosi, but as this review at 1000 Misspent Hours and Counting puts it:
The Ape Man is too forthright about its "ah, who cares - it's only a horror movie" attitude to elicit the same species of awed wonder from an audience as Bride of the Monster or Glen or Glenda, but in its mercenary way, it is no less crappy than either of those films, and no fan of Bela Lugosi at his most debased should miss it.
The Ape
Unlikely as it sounds, The Ape Man wasn't the best gorilla film on offer. It wasn't even the best mad scientist with a gorilla movie. And even more specific, it was trumped on the "mad scientist starts killing people to get access to human spinal fluid, utilising a gorilla to do so" stakes. Now what were the chances? The Ape appeared three years before The Ape Man, and stars Boris Karloff. Even in his lowliest features, Karloff always somehow brought a quiet dignity to his parts, so that alone would have elevated this film over the competition in my eyes. And as an extra bonus, the gorilla is once again portrayed by Ray Corrigan
The Secret Agent
This one was pretty much a no-brainer. 1. It's Hitchcock 2. I didn't already have it, and, indeed, haven't even seen it. 3.It's Hitch does spies! See also The 39 Steps for why this is a Good Thing 4. Peter Lorre is in it. Possibly my very favourite screen villain (undoubtedly my favourite portrayer of a German child-killer), Lorre is never anything less than mesmerising on screen.
Keystone Comedies
A selection of short films from Mack Sennett's studio, starring two of the premier comedic talents of the teens, Roscoe Arbuckle and Mabel Normand. I still haven't seen any of Mabel's films, so this should help get me on track a little more. As is often the way these days, we know more about the lives of the silent stars than we (in most cases) have the opportunity to view their work. Arbuckle is perhaps served the worst of all by this - nowadays his name is mainly remembered in relation to a trumped up charge of which he was wholly innocent, but thanks to the likes of a certain Mr Anger, gossip and rumour has more life than do the facts.
Woo! Extras!
Stop the presses, I bought some more. My sources told me to check out a secret chamber deep within a local DVD rental store, whereupon untold treasure would thrill and delight me... or something like that, anyway. So, for the bargain sum of £1.99, I am now the proud owner of a 3-film disc with Roger Corman's A Bucket of Blood (described here as "a crazy comedic beatnik slasher flick" - sold to the lady in the hat!), Vincent Price and his moustache hamming it up in House on Haunted Hill, and Mr Karloff once more in the long-thought-lost The Ghoul.
Ooh, spooky....
Monday, October 02, 2006
Can you tell what it is yet?
On TV at the minute:
Back and to the left...
Back and to the left...
Back and to the left...
Back and to the left...
Back and to the left...
Back and to the left...
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