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Monday, April 25, 2005

Ants are evil - the proof

I've always known that ants were evil, nasty, vindictive creatures - especially the ones that come into my kitchen - and finally, here is proof to back me up - Fierce ants build 'torture rack'

Told you...

Friday, April 22, 2005

"lenin furry pvc" wins the award for today's best spam header

Wednesday, April 20, 2005

So am I one of the Beautiful People?

Apparently that's up to the people at BeautifulPeople Network. In order to join you have to be vetted by existing members for three days, and if you're not a right munter, they'll let you in. Well, I've signed up, so I'll let you know if the vain sods see me as one of them or not...

Monday, April 18, 2005

BBC - Radio 2 - Mark Radcliffe homepage

Hang up the bunting, get the party snacks ready, let joy be unconfined throughout the land - Mark Radcliffe has a show on Radio 2! And, um, has had for a while apparently - well, I've never claimed to be quick on the uptake, have I? Not entirely sure how that one passed me by, but hey, better late than never.
His old 10-12 show on Radio 1, back in the day when that station was still actually listenable, was quite possibly my favourite radio show ever, or certainly in the top 5 anyway (not that I've actually compiled a chart, dear reader, I'm not quite that sad. But if I did, then Jonathan Ross and Round The Horne would be in there too). Hell, I'm even old enough to even remember as far back as Hit the North on Radio 5, prior to its transformation to an entirely news and sports channel (it also featured such delights as Le Top, a weekly rundown of the French top 40 chart - now why can't someone bring that show back?). I suspect some Radio 2 playlist material may make its way into the show, but still - it's Mark Radcliffe! On the radio! Hurrah!

Thursday, April 14, 2005

This is classified information...

A selection from the small ads of The Times, free access to the archives of which is available this week here. These all date from 1844.

Apartments, in the vicinity of Blackheath, to be let, Furnished, consisting of drawing room, and large airy bedroom adjoining, in the house of a highly respectable private family; suitable to one or two single ladies. Attendance, with every comfort that can be desired. Terms not so much an object as a highly respectable party. Single gentlemen would be objected to.


A Lady, of high birth, wishes to lodge with some married clergyman or aged lady of good family. The apartment must be agreeably situate, at the west end of the town. The monthly terms to be mentioned in detail.


Blackheath - board and residence - a private family, without children, residing in one of the best houses on the heath, and within a few minutes' walk of the railway, will be happy to receive a married couple, or a single gentleman, of equal standing with themselves, into their circle. To parties advanced in life, or desirous to be relieved from the trouble of housekeeping, this would be found a most desirable and select home.


Sea Side - A Lady, having a villa residence larger than she requires, in the centre of a splendid garden, is desirous of meeting with a Lady, Gentleman, or invalid, to board and lodge. If a young lady she would be enabled to pursue her studies with the daughter, who is very musical and accomplished. Terms moderate. Respectable references given and required.


Germany - Education and Health combined with Pleasure - Mr. and Madame Henry Dulcken, Professors of the Pianoforte and the German Language, beg to announce that they are returning in a short time to their native country, and would be happy to receive one more Young Lady, either to be Educated with their daughters, by first-rate masters, or as boarder, to visit the country, and participate in its amusements. References are kindly permitted to those families who resided with them last season.


To ladies of a limited income - to be sold, the goodwill of an established preparatory boy's school, situate three miles from town. The house contains two parlours with folding doors, drawing and breakfast rooms, four chambers, two kitchens, garden &c. Coming in moderate.


Haymakers (double motion) of the best construction, made almost wholly of iron, and containing the double cylinder, and all the latest improvements, are now ready; also cast iron hay-rick-stands, and every implement used in agriculture or horticulture


A worsted fringe and fancy trimming business to be disposed of, in a commanding thoroughfare in the city. The upper part of the house is let off, and the rent will therefore be proportionably reduced, and to any party of respectability easy terms will be granted, viz., half cash, and the other half by approved bills at four and six months. The whole of the stock and fixtures will not exceed £200, and the shop may be taken annually, or for a term of years, without a premium. The business can be conducted by a lady, and the profits are good.


Epsom Races - Parties going to the races may save 20 per cent, by purchasing their Hams, Ox Tongues, and Rounds of Beef, at Brewers' Ham Shop, 29 Bishopsgate-street without, corner of New-street. A constant supply ready dressed. Orders by post attended to.


Anatomical Parisian Venus - Cosmorama - 209 Regent Street -This beautiful wax model of the human frame, diplaying the deep anatomy of the head, chest, abdomen, and limbs, has arrested the attention of high authorities in this country and in France. No infringement is made on correct taste and feeling, whilst dissections of deep interest are admirably unfolded. Ladies admitted every Friday. Open from 10 till 6. Admission 1s. Explanatory books to be had in the rooms.

Wednesday, April 13, 2005

An ominous sound: my charming cat, until recently chasing a mouse around the room, appears, miaowing. Translation: help, I lost my toy... Thanks pal!

Monday, April 11, 2005

Things I Can't Do, But Wish That I Could

1. Ride a bike. It's an inner ear thing, once the stabilisers came off, so did I. I guess I'll never win the Tour de France now.

2. Do the finger clicking thing. You know, like all the cool hep cats do along to music? I used to resort to miming the action while in the school choir, I'm afraid my fingers stay resolutely quiet.

3. Tie a knot in a cherry stalk with my tongue. Twin Peaks has a lot to answer for...

4. Bake a cake without burning or otherwise ruining it. I know a workman shouldn't blame his tools, but my oven is decidedly eccentric in its cooking times, so it's not all my own fault. Come to think of it, I've had a series of similarly inclined ovens, what were the chances?

5. Chop wood. I may be a dab hand around the house, and the world of DIY holds no fears for me (though I firmly believe that plumbing should be left to the experts beyond the level of washer-replacement), but put an axe in my hand and I turn into a pathetic incompetent girly wimp. Luckily there's this handy thing called gas central heating, so I don't suffer too badly as a result.

6. Play guitar, preferably quite well. I got one when I was about twelve, adjusted for left-handedness and everything, but unfortunately the neck was quite wide, and my little hands had difficulty holding down chords. Wish I'd stuck with it though.

7. Sustain an interest in gardening beyond a couple of hours a month or so. People would have you believe that gardening is a gentle relaxing hobby, but this is far from the truth. In actuality it is physically exhausting, back-breaking work, and pleasing results require careful planning and time-consuming execution. I'd love to have a beautiful, well-maintained garden to sit out in, but it's far too much like hard work.

8. Make a decision. Never been my strong point this one, and I seem to be in the habit of acquiring equally indecisive friends. Which leads to conversations like the following:
"Where do you want to go?"
"I don't know, wherever you want"
"I don't mind, what do you feel like?"
"Oh whatever, you choose"
"That's okay, I'm happy doing whatever you want to do"
"I really don't mind, it's up to you"
"Look, just say what you want to do..."
"Why me? Why can't you decide? I always have to decide!"
"No you don't! Just make up your mind, will you, we can't just stand here all day"
"Well if you're going to be like that, I don't want to do anything..."
Try it yourself, it's great fun.

9. Climb a tree. I was never a tomboy, I was a girly girl, in pretty dresses with bows in my hair. In retrospect I could have stood to get a bit more dirty.

10. Dye my hair lighter. My hair is naturally very dark, only changing colour with the application of a large dose of bleach. This somewhat limited my youthful dyeing experiments, as the best I could achieve was "looks a bit red/purple/whatever when the light hits it a certain way". Having seen the unfortunate results when I did go the whole hog (assorted shades of carrot orange is such a good look) this may have been a blessing in disguise. And anyway, brunette is best.

Hi, I'm Midnight Fantasy

Get your goth name

Saturday, April 09, 2005

So apparently BT are under the impression that they should occasionally be paid. Oops!

Le weekend

If there's a finer way to start a Saturday than listening to Jonathan Ross on Radio 2, then I don't know what it is: (mostly) good music, good guests, and much amusement.
The last song on today's show was Pinball Wizard, which brought back memories of seeing Tommy for the first time last year. Godawful film, but somehow strangely compelling. I couldn't take my eyes off it, much in the same way as a horrendous car crash attracts attention. Never been a big Ken Russell fan, he tends to favour empty flashiness and grandstanding over such elements as plot, subtlety, or, god forbid, taste.
I am currently warbling-alonga-Harry Nilsson - be thankful, dear reader, that you can't hear my dulcet tones. Think I might join Robert Mitchum in a bit of calypso next, that's always good for a laugh...

Thursday, April 07, 2005

Tuesday, April 05, 2005

Electioneering

So it's official: May 5th is Election Day. I'm one of those weird people who actually rather likes the whole pre-election build-up, putting me in a rather small minority, I suspect. Can't beat the look of increasing desparation on politician's faces as the date grows closer, especially if they happen to stand no chance of winning - it's a beautiful sight.
Even those who aren't keen on the whole election gubbins can take heart in the fact that the very limited parliamentary time left should hopefully mean that the Identity Cards Bill has to be put aside for now, and the expected result of a reduced Labour majority may scupper the bill's chances post-election. Well, I can but hope...

Sunday, April 03, 2005

Friday, April 01, 2005

See a penny, pick it up...

... all day long you'll have good luck - but what if you don't pick it up? Do you get a day's worth of bad luck? Or just a lack of amazing fortune?
And if I should happen to spill some salt, which shoulder is it I'm meant to throw some over, left or right? Does it have to be new salt, or some of that which was originally spilled? And does a grain or two from the bottom of a saltmill count as a spill?
I know you're meant to avoid walking under a ladder, but does scaffolding count? After all it does tend to incorporate ladders...
If a black cat crosses your path, is it good or bad luck? What if you happen to be owned by said cat? Does the rule count then?
If someone else breaks a mirror belonging to you, do they get the seven years of bad luck, or do you? Or maybe you both get it, or end up with half each...

It's all just so complicated, almost enough to stop one from doing anything at all - but then that's probably bad luck too...

WWPSD?

When complex ethical issues are raised in the public arena to be used as political tools, as has been the case recently both here in the UK and in the USA, I often find myself thinking, What Would Peter Singer Do? Okay, this might be a slight exaggeration, but I have been reminded of his work by recent debates.

Way back in the dim and distant past, a green young girl moved to the Big(gish) City, and in her first year at university studied Moral Philosophy for a year. This lead to an introduction to the work of the sometimes controversial Australian, later study coming with a Political Theory course on the child, the family and the state. His ideas are easily exaggerated and misinterpreted by his opponents, but the basic tenets revolve around ideas of consciousness, what we mean by "human" and "person", and how our understanding of these terms should affect how we act towards other creatures.

As medical and scientific advances are made, these issues become more and more relevant each day, but often end up being reduced to cheap emotion. Singer's work is a welcome reminder that rational thought is possible, and indeed necessary, to inform our decisions and reactions to the moral quandaries such progress involves.