So, those vivid dreams then...
Last night I dreamt that I was reunited with my estranged father. And then I discovered he had a fetish for stripping naked and wanking in wardrobes, after catching him in the act.
Thanks for that, brain, thank you ever so...
Friday, June 29, 2007
Wednesday, June 27, 2007
A brief update
My, it's been a while, hasn't it?
So I've been on the new medication for over a fortnight now. This two pills a day malarkey is a bit complicated for the feeble-brained. Or, to be a bit more accurate, the idea of taking one in the morning when you rarely see the AM doesn't quite work.
Just to totally break with tradition, I can't sleep. They put me on medication that's supposed to knock me out, and it still doesn't do it. It's not the first time that's happened, mind. Back in my pre-medicated days, I tried assorted herbal concoctions, none of which were effective. I do all the sensible gubbins that you're meant to (with the exception of getting lots of exercise, naturally. That's not so good when you're a fat fuck who dies of exhaustion after about fifteen minutes or so of exertion) but my damn mind still doesn't co-operate.
I've been prescribed assorted antihistamine-type products which, while meaning you can skip gaily through a pollen-loaded park, make no difference whatsoever at sleepy-bye-bye time. Tranquilisers seem to have no effect on me at all (I'd have been as well selling them really). The last drug was supposed to be good for sleep, and while it vaguely helped with that for a couple of months or so (especially combined with booze - no, you're not meant to do that - when it did actually knock me out), it then wore off completely.
So I really shouldn't be surprised that I still manage to stay wide awake with my shiny new pills. Once I do finally nod off though, getting up again is a real struggle. I'd happily stay in bed all day, in a vague attempt to quell my exhaustion (yes I know, perpetuating the cycle and all that stuff).
One positive though; I'm starting to get the marvellous vivid dreams which were the only good thing about effexor. Now if only i could actually remember them, ye olde blogge might actually be vaguely entertaining (I've had a good twenty or so posting ideas which didn't come to fruition, due to my out-of-kilter brain struggling to cope with the prospect. There's some other writing I really need to get around to as well, so I could do with a little bit of clear-headedness, if you don't mind, brain)
Also on the plus side, I've lost half a stone in weight already. Well, thank fuck for that, It'd be rather nice to fit in my clothes again, and be able to look at a reflective surface without keeling over in horror. I'm very much enjoying my new, reduced appetite. And I'm hoping that my cream cake fetish days are now over (I never even liked them before the evil mirtazapine got hold of me - see kids, drugs really are bad). I've contemplated taking a photographic record of my disappearing lardiness, but the less evidence remaining of Fat Betsie the better, frankly.
If I can summon the will and brainpower, there will be a eulogy on the subject of Doctor Who and it's all-conquering greatness headed this way soon. There, I've said I'll do it, now I have to :)
So I've been on the new medication for over a fortnight now. This two pills a day malarkey is a bit complicated for the feeble-brained. Or, to be a bit more accurate, the idea of taking one in the morning when you rarely see the AM doesn't quite work.
Just to totally break with tradition, I can't sleep. They put me on medication that's supposed to knock me out, and it still doesn't do it. It's not the first time that's happened, mind. Back in my pre-medicated days, I tried assorted herbal concoctions, none of which were effective. I do all the sensible gubbins that you're meant to (with the exception of getting lots of exercise, naturally. That's not so good when you're a fat fuck who dies of exhaustion after about fifteen minutes or so of exertion) but my damn mind still doesn't co-operate.
I've been prescribed assorted antihistamine-type products which, while meaning you can skip gaily through a pollen-loaded park, make no difference whatsoever at sleepy-bye-bye time. Tranquilisers seem to have no effect on me at all (I'd have been as well selling them really). The last drug was supposed to be good for sleep, and while it vaguely helped with that for a couple of months or so (especially combined with booze - no, you're not meant to do that - when it did actually knock me out), it then wore off completely.
So I really shouldn't be surprised that I still manage to stay wide awake with my shiny new pills. Once I do finally nod off though, getting up again is a real struggle. I'd happily stay in bed all day, in a vague attempt to quell my exhaustion (yes I know, perpetuating the cycle and all that stuff).
One positive though; I'm starting to get the marvellous vivid dreams which were the only good thing about effexor. Now if only i could actually remember them, ye olde blogge might actually be vaguely entertaining (I've had a good twenty or so posting ideas which didn't come to fruition, due to my out-of-kilter brain struggling to cope with the prospect. There's some other writing I really need to get around to as well, so I could do with a little bit of clear-headedness, if you don't mind, brain)
Also on the plus side, I've lost half a stone in weight already. Well, thank fuck for that, It'd be rather nice to fit in my clothes again, and be able to look at a reflective surface without keeling over in horror. I'm very much enjoying my new, reduced appetite. And I'm hoping that my cream cake fetish days are now over (I never even liked them before the evil mirtazapine got hold of me - see kids, drugs really are bad). I've contemplated taking a photographic record of my disappearing lardiness, but the less evidence remaining of Fat Betsie the better, frankly.
If I can summon the will and brainpower, there will be a eulogy on the subject of Doctor Who and it's all-conquering greatness headed this way soon. There, I've said I'll do it, now I have to :)
Wednesday, June 06, 2007
I Wanna Be Sedated
I went to see the psychiatrist today.
So, farewell then, fizzy orange mirtazapine, you singularly failed to do your job and instead gave me a terrible toasted cheese and sugar habit (not together, I hasten to add). Turns out it does that to everyone.
I've had enough bad experiences with medication by now to know that it pays to know what you're getting into. It's helpful to know that the side effects are just that, and you're not actually going insane. Having said that, reading a site like this should come with a health warning all of it's very own. Naturally those worst effected by a medication tend to be the most vocal in discussions as to it's efficacy. There's a heap load of negativity there, but then much of it comes from a. people who tried it for a few days then quit (side effects are normally at their worst for the first fortnight or so before settling down) b. people for whom this is their first experience of being medicated (at this point in my life, I don't need to know that it's better/worse than not taking anything at all. That's not an option for me) c. people who decide without a doctor's advise to come off an SSRI cold turkey then tell you what a nightmare it was. Well, duh...
So what do I have to look forward to this time? Well for starters, I get to be like Judy Garland on the MGM lot, taking my uppers to get up and go, and my downers to calm me right back down again and take me to the Land of Nod. Hurrah!
It could have been worse, lithium was briefly mooted before being swiftly batted away (there's kidney and thyroid problems in the family, I'd be seriously chancing it on that stuff. Oh and have I mentioned how jealous I am of those lucky bipolar people? They don't know they're born, with their periods of intense creativity and activity. They're the glamorous out-of-town cousin to the dowdy housewife of the boring old depressive).
So with my morning pill, I could end up with:
headache, nausea, dry mouth, sweating, sleepiness or insomnia, diarrhea or constipation, weight gain, loss of libido
Any for the night-time one:
sleepiness, headache, sleepiness, dizziness, sleepiness, nausea, sleepiness, dry mouth, sleepiness, blurry vision, sleepiness, sweating, sleepiness, insomnia or sleepiness, diarrhea or constipation, and did I mention you'll be tired?
With a possibility of:
Low blood pressure, weight gain. General cardiac weirdness, vivid or unusual dreams.
Just the usual then. I'm looking forward to the dreams actually, that's about the only thing I miss about the dreaded Effexor. I certainly don't miss the randomly-falling-over habit which I choose to ascribe to it and not to my general uselessness, nor do I miss it's insanely short half-life (meaning that you start getting withdrawal symptoms by the time you go to take your next pill. And if you miss a day, that's your brain fried).
Right, I'm off to cut a pill in half.
Over and out.
So, farewell then, fizzy orange mirtazapine, you singularly failed to do your job and instead gave me a terrible toasted cheese and sugar habit (not together, I hasten to add). Turns out it does that to everyone.
I've had enough bad experiences with medication by now to know that it pays to know what you're getting into. It's helpful to know that the side effects are just that, and you're not actually going insane. Having said that, reading a site like this should come with a health warning all of it's very own. Naturally those worst effected by a medication tend to be the most vocal in discussions as to it's efficacy. There's a heap load of negativity there, but then much of it comes from a. people who tried it for a few days then quit (side effects are normally at their worst for the first fortnight or so before settling down) b. people for whom this is their first experience of being medicated (at this point in my life, I don't need to know that it's better/worse than not taking anything at all. That's not an option for me) c. people who decide without a doctor's advise to come off an SSRI cold turkey then tell you what a nightmare it was. Well, duh...
So what do I have to look forward to this time? Well for starters, I get to be like Judy Garland on the MGM lot, taking my uppers to get up and go, and my downers to calm me right back down again and take me to the Land of Nod. Hurrah!
It could have been worse, lithium was briefly mooted before being swiftly batted away (there's kidney and thyroid problems in the family, I'd be seriously chancing it on that stuff. Oh and have I mentioned how jealous I am of those lucky bipolar people? They don't know they're born, with their periods of intense creativity and activity. They're the glamorous out-of-town cousin to the dowdy housewife of the boring old depressive).
So with my morning pill, I could end up with:
headache, nausea, dry mouth, sweating, sleepiness or insomnia, diarrhea or constipation, weight gain, loss of libido
Any for the night-time one:
sleepiness, headache, sleepiness, dizziness, sleepiness, nausea, sleepiness, dry mouth, sleepiness, blurry vision, sleepiness, sweating, sleepiness, insomnia or sleepiness, diarrhea or constipation, and did I mention you'll be tired?
With a possibility of:
Low blood pressure, weight gain. General cardiac weirdness, vivid or unusual dreams.
Just the usual then. I'm looking forward to the dreams actually, that's about the only thing I miss about the dreaded Effexor. I certainly don't miss the randomly-falling-over habit which I choose to ascribe to it and not to my general uselessness, nor do I miss it's insanely short half-life (meaning that you start getting withdrawal symptoms by the time you go to take your next pill. And if you miss a day, that's your brain fried).
Right, I'm off to cut a pill in half.
Over and out.
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