A brief history of time

As the calendar and the 24 hour clock are merely human constructs, I've decided to do away with them, going instead with what time and date it actually feels like. In which case, today was a wet Wednesday morning in early October, in 1982 (hey, I think it's the early eighties, maybe I should form a band...)

In the same spirit, I'm going to follow the example of an ancestor of mine, who, in the space of four years, went from aged 59 to 47 on official documents. It's my birthday tomorrow (happy birthday me), and I'm going to start going back in years. I'm sure I'll really enjoy being 29...

Can't beat a bit of Beckett...

You're Waiting for Godot!

by Samuel Beckett

Many people think you're extremely dull, but you're just trying to
patient. Really patient. Patient to the point of absurdity, quite frankly. Whatever
you're waiting for isn't going to just come along, so you can stop waiting. I promise.
Move on with your life. Change of scenery might do you good. Heck, any scenery might
do you good. In the meantime, you do make for very interesting conversation.


Take the Book Quiz
at the Blue Pyramid.

Tippermost Toppermost Telly Treats For The Week Ahead

Monday (i.e today)
Ch4 - 8pm - Dispatches- Chechnya: The Dirty War
A cheery report on the disputed "Russian" province, with added terrorism and state oppression.

BBC2 - 9pm - The New Al-Qaeda
A cheery report on everyone's favourite terrorists, with emphasis on use of the internet for recruitment and propaganda. First in a three-part series.

ITV1 - 12.30am - Tour De France Highlights
Coverage of the final week of Le Tour, with some completely-above-reproach-and-would-never-make-use-of-medical-intervention-to-boost-his-performance American fella winning. Again.

Tuesday
Ch4 - 12.30pm - Fanny By Gaslight
Hell, this one would make it in on name alone (my great great grandmother was called Fanny, as was her mother before her, it's a delightful name. Maybe I should revive it and adopt it as the middle name I never had?). This is a 1944 film starring the magnificent James Mason, and as such is a must see.

Ch4 - 2.35pm - Jane Eyre
Another film from the same year, with Joan Fontaine as the eponymous heroine, Orson Welles brooding moodily (can you brood non-moodily?) as Mr Rochester, and a young Elizabeth Taylor as her friend in her orphanage days. I know it's bad form to give away the ending, but reader, she married him.

There is nothing of note on post-afternoon, so I humbly suggest that you switch off your television and do something less boring instead.

Wednesday
BBC2 - 7.30pm The World's Most Photographed
Focussing on that funny little Austrian fellow with the Chaplinesque moustache, Adolf Hitler.

BBC2 - 9.00pm - The Strange Case Of Sherlock Holmes & Arthur Conan Doyle
Dougie Henshall plays the famous author in this drama exploring his reasons for killing off his detective hero.

If you happen to be in front of a TV at 2.25pm, you would be advised to avoid On Golden Pond on Ch4 - too much sentimentality isn't good for your health, you know...

Thursday
Ch4 - 2.15pm - The Four Feathers
Classic British military drama extravaganza from 1939. Not having seen it in years, I can't recall if anyone says "what ho, chaps!", but I jolly well hope they do.

Ch4 - 9.00pm - Dispatches: Supermarket Secrets
An expose on supermarket food, how it's full of hidden additives, destroys the environment and props up an unfair world economy, or something like that.

Friday
ITV1 - 8.30pm - Foyle's War
I normally avoid ITV Drama like the plague (there's only so much Sarah Lancashire and Ross Kemp anyone can take in a lifetime), but I must admit to a soft spot for this one. The presence of Michael Kitchen helps of course, but I think it's the slight air of cynicism which lurks within that gets me with this one, highlighting as it does that during WWII crime didn't vanish in a spirit of everyone pulling together, and that plenty of people were happy to take advantage of the cover of war to profit in one way or another.

The "I'm here all week" section
BBC1 - 11.30am - Car Booty; BBC1 - 12.15pm - Bargain Hunt; BBC1 - 2.05pm - Cash In The Attic; BBC2 - 6.00pm - Flog It
Variations on a theme, that being members of the public buying/selling/buying and selling family heirlooms/tat from a market/nice antiques for our viewing pleasure. From years of watching the likes of these, and, of course, the daddy of them all, Antiques Roadshow, I reckon I'm just about qualified to be one of the team on BBC1's Dealing With Dickinson (8.00pm on Sundays), where Mr Cheap as Chips is training selected plebs to be antiques dealers. If only I'd known I could have applied - drat!

ITV1 - 1.30pm - Nigella
In which the domestic goddess, Ms Lawson, proves that a chat show host she is not. Catch it before it gets pulled...

ITV1- 3pm - Have I Been Here Before?
A series where Z-list celebs undergo hypnosis and undertake past-life regression, then a "historian" tells us if their stories are plausible or not. It's as good as it sounds, though the presence of Derek Acorah would make it even better, of course.

There's no therapy like retail therapy

This week I have been mainly shopping - who needs illegal substances when there's a "spending money" buzz that's far more satisfying? Amongst other things, I got myself a new mobile phone, the Sony Ericsson K750i, as reviewed at The Register. Admittedly this was pretty much a necessity, with the old phone finally packing in altogether (I may have mentioned it's many failings here before). I do like a nice shiny new toy to play with, and it has lots of features to keep me busy, what with built in radio, mp3 player, java games and snazzy camera. Oh the excitement!

I haven't mentioned that there Big Brother show for a while, but one thing I will not be thanking this year's housemates for is the sudden appearance of "end of" in my vocabulary. I've always been very susceptible to picking up other people's verbal tics (that's how heavens to betsie first entered my life), so it's hardly surprising that this annoying and oft-uttered phrase has wormed its way into my head. So far I'm "at the end of the day" free, and hopefully it'll stay that way.

'Cos at the end of the day, I'll say whatever I want to say, and I don't care what anyone else thinks. End of...

Some Good News

There's one less scumbag in the world.

Good riddance.

Yahoo! 360

What's that, Mr Yahoo? You've got a new toy I might want to play with? Oh, go on then...

Who's afraid of the big bad building?

I have an appointment on Tuesday. Not a problem in itself, but the location is somewhat troubling me, being as it is a local building of some repute. I don't know why this is bothering me so much, after all it's only bricks and mortar. I won't be swallowed whole, leaving only a trace of fabric to hint at my once having been there.

An address can have a strong impact - after all, as all the property shows tell us, it's all about location location location. Where we live defines us in the eyes of others, whether signifying our wealth, or tarring us with an unfair brush based on the acts of some neighbours (in a previous job, applicants for new positions were initially judged by address alone - if the candidate lived in a street deemed unworthy, then no amount of experience or talent would be good enough for those in charge). Our locale can also bring a sense of belonging, building a community of common interest amongst neighbours.

Individual buildings can also have an effect on our behaviour: the homes of murderers are razed to the ground, or become macabre tourist attractions; and a happy family home, when the owners finally come to sell, radiates comfort and a welcoming air.

Throughout history, architects have exploited the power to influence our feelings, with gothic cathedrals soaring skywards to the heavens and inspiring awe, and finishings in the grander hotels reflecting their guests' desired self-image of exclusivity, opulence and conspicuous consumption.

So it's not just me being silly - I'm merely reflecting the power that design, history and reputation bring to bear on the buildings which surround us.

Yeah right.

Francois Villon - Ballade of Contradictions

I die of thirst right at the fountain's edge,
As warm as fire, and tooth to tooth I shake,
While close to home I'm in a distant land,
Near glowing coals I shiver, burning hot,
Bare as a worm, all vested like a judge,
I laugh in tears and expect without hope;
Comfort I take again in sad despair,
Rejoice, and yet of pleasure I have none,
Powerful I am, lacking in force and strength,
Made welcome, and repulsed by everyone.

For me there's nothing sure but what's in doubt,
Nothing obscure but what is evident;
I have no doubts, except of certainties,
Knowledge I hold to come from sudden chance,
Though winning all, I am a loser still;
At break of day, 'Good night to you!' I say;
Flat on my back, I greatly fear to fall.
I am well off, yet haven't got a cent,
Expect bequests and I am no man's heir,
Made welcome, and repulsed by everyone.

I care for naught, yet all my effort goes
To heap up goods on which I've got no claim;
The fairest-spoken man offends me most
And the most truthful one's the biggest liar;
That one's my friend who gives me to believe
Of a white swan that it's black, and a crow;
And he who harms me, I think helps me much;
Lies or the truth, to me it's now all one;
Remembering all, no concept can I form,
Made welcome, and repulsed by everyone.

Envoy

O clement prince, may it please you to know
I grasp a lot, and have not sense or learning;
Unique I am, like everybody else.
What do I know best? Retrieving what I've gaged,
Made welcome, and repulsed by everyone.

(this version from: "Complete Poems" - Edited with English translation and commentary by Barbara N. Sargent-Baur, University of Toronto Press, 1994)

Ouch...

And the moral is: if you're going to shove a fridge into a confined space on a vinyl floor, don't do it while barefoot. Oops...

UPDATE: Sunday 17th July, 5:45pm

And now it looks like this:



Bruise-tacular!

UPDATE: Sunday 23rd July, 8:20pm

As requested, here's the updated bruise news. It's practically gone now, it just looks like a teacup stain on a linen tablecloth.



Now if only I'd been blogging a few years back when I fell under a train in Paris (doesn't everyone? No? Oh well then...), I could have had some quite spectacular injuries to show off.

I'm a little bit clumsy and accident-prone, as if that wasn't already apparent from the photographic evidence...

Feeling hot hot hot

Jings, crivvens, help ma boab, it's a bit on the warm side - it's a day for loitering in the frozen food aisles of Tesco.

A few bitty bits of bittiness for you:

The latest communication from my hero

Isn't the internet marvellous? You watch a film on the telly, are struck by its quotable dialogue, and a bit of googling later, there is the script of the 1946 Boris Karloff film "Bedlam"

The wordiness of that script reminded me in some ways of a little gem of a film, "Quiet Please, Murder" a murder mystery, with added Nazis, set in a public library. It starred the incomparable George Sanders, one of my favourite actors, and the extraordinary dialogue is a reminder of the 1940s phase for Freudian overdose in Hollywood movies, probably most famously with Hitchcock's "Spellbound" (which, had I made it to a shop early enough on Saturday, I could have received a copy of thanks to The Times newspaper - boo hiss to mornings and other people buying things in them).

The top prize for most overblown use of philosophical theorizing in a film script has to go to the 1949 adaptation of "The Fountainhead", the novel by Ayn Rand (who as far as I know never actually ran a school for infants, despite what The Simpsons may tell you...)

And finally - it's the puzzle sensation that's sweeping the nation, apparently, and you can join in at The Daily SuDoku

An Explosive Day

bloody hell, I guess this is one of those busy news weeks then...

As news is still coming through on the bomb blasts in London, and the injured are still being treated, already the conspiracy theorists are wasting no time in using the misfortune of others as a chance to trot out their favourite theories - have a look at some of the idiots commenting here, for example. I'm just surprised, given as how there are unconfirmed reports, as heard on BBC Radio Scotland a few hours ago, that Israeli delegates to a conference near the site of one of the bomb blasts were pre-warned by intelligence sources that some terrorist action was expected in London, that no-one has blamed the attacks on Mossad yet. Give them time, give them time...

Meanwhile, at Gleneagles, the G8 conference continues, minus Tony Blair this afternoon, somewhat overshadowed by events in the south. The demonstrators are still protesting, some so-called anarchists (who apparently have never read a history book in their lives if they think smashing in car windows and putting a Burger King franchise out of action for a few days is a worthwhile use of their time and a suitable target of their ire) give everyone else a bad name, and Dubya manages by sheer stupidity to do more physical harm to himself than any of his enemies has ever managed (first a pretzel, now a bike and a policeman - what a hero...)

I was particularly impressed by this protest yesterday morning - giving a new meaning to pointlessness.

Call me paranoid, but...

...my mobile phone has been out of action all day, with an annoying "no service" message greeting me when I try to use the damn thing.
I live about 20 miles north of Gleneagles, site of this week's G8 conference.
Coincidence?

I can see how blocking the use of mobiles could be useful to The Man in such a situation, but would they have the technology to do so? Are there any paranoid gadgetry experts out there who know about such things? And if they could do it, would they? (okay, I think I know the answer to that one already...)


At least today I haven't been treated to a low-flying military air display - I could have sworn they were having pretend dogfights up there at one point yesterday. Apparently the US Airforce are over on Dubya-protecting duties, so maybe it was them forgetting that people actually live here - the RAF boys tend to be a little bit more considerate (and there's something you don't hear every day).

This is one of the very few times in my life when I actually wish I could drive - it would be most interesting to take to the minor country roads and see exactly how close I could get without being stopped. I see from this handy little map that apparently some routes are still open, though you would have to annoy nice Mr Farmer at some point to get really close. It could be entertaining trying though...

Make Pomposity History

I've had a bit of a cynicism overload this weekend, what with "Sir" Robert of Geldof and His Sanctimonious Holiness Bonio hogging the limelight with the whole Live 8 rock luvvie shenanigans.
But putting that to one side for now, here's a few little links for you on the whole G8/debt relief/Africa issue:

G8 - what's it all about then?
The official G8 site - Tony B says hello
The dead posh hotel down the road from me which is hosting the summit
Perth & Kinross Council's "cash in on the G8 publicity" site
G8 Alternatives - the usual suspects
UK Indymedia's G8 coverage
Red Pepper magazine's G8 section

The official Make Poverty History site
The Make Trade Fair site (unfortunately featuring the po-faced twat from Coldplay, but don't hold that against it)

Commission for Africa - Tony Blair's new "I'm a world leader, honest" toy
Africa Now, a UK-based charity
AllAfrica - all your African news needs collected on one handy site